Long time no see.

Sorry it has been two weeks since my last blog. I have been keeping busy doing random things. I write my blogs during work because I have a lot of downtime but the past two weeks I have been busy grading essays. I have graded over 150 papers. That doesn’t sound like a lot but most of my students do not make any sense when they write and it can take me 5-10 minutes to fix an essay. I actually secretly enjoy grading them because it keeps me busy.

All of the teachers at my middle school share one big office, so there are 40 + teachers in one office. I feel like everyone is always watching me, probably because they are. I sit by the English interns so I have four girls that surround me. They are so much fun; they tell me I talk too much and that I embarrass them. They are so worried what the other teachers think. I don’t care if people think I’m crazy….how do I embarrass them? Well, I play music through my head phones and accidentally sing along. I like to dance and try to get them to dance with me. I refuse to sit still at my desk the whole day. I get so bored and just start playing around. I am always making jokes and asking inappropriate questions. Actually, I just made a joke about them being racist. I actually thought about it for a second and realized that I am actually discriminated against sometimes. My attitude towards minorities has definitely changed.

My whole life I have always been surround by girls but these days I have more guy friends then girls. I also do not have any gay friends, which is also weird because being a music major I have lots of gay friends back home. I really like having gay friends because when I do something gay I can usually make a gay joke/reference so I don’t look so gay….now, I just look gay.

The other day I ordered food at a restaurant and it taking forever I said “Did they go to China?” I don’t think that phrase works in Korea because China is actually pretty close.

My students have been teaching me bad words to say in Korean which can be dangerous. Here are some stupid things I have done in the past week, I am sure there are a lot more I just can’t remember now……The other day I was walking and a lady ran into me. I said “Thank you” in Korean. I wanted to say sorry but I panicked. She looked at me so confused and I just ran away. I felt so stupid. This past Friday after a night out drinking/ dancing I took a cab home. The cab was fine until I went to get out and instead of saying “Thank you, goodbye.” I said “Thank you, STUPID/IDIOT.” Sometimes I should not be allowed to talk. The cab driver looked like he wanted to run me over….I just ran away. I blame my bad students.

My heart goes out.

Today I received news that one of my friends from home died. Allison Davis was such a good hearted person and I am so lucky of having the privilege of knowing her. When we graduated together last May, I knew that she would become a fantastic Music Educator. I looked up to her because she was determined, strong and nothing held her back. My heart goes out to all of our friends back home and to her family. This is a difficult time and I wish I could be there to hug and comfort everyone. Today I wish I didn’t live so far away. It’s difficult to understand why things happen. All I know is that my faith is strong and I will rejoice with her again. I took time this morning to reflect. I remember Allison always being so kind and warm to everyone. She always had a positive attitude and always asked really intelligent questions. We both student taught at the same and had a lot of classes together. Every time I had a question about an assignment, she was the first person I would think to ask. She was so smart and I loved to get her opinions. I can imagine how difficult it must be for everyone at this time. I want everyone to know that I love and cherish all of our relationships. All of you will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers this week. Love you all.

How I got raped.

What? Did I really get raped? Probably not in the way you think but in the way I think, hell yeah. There are many forms of rape. Or is rape just rape? I hope I made you think. You probably just think I am stupid and want to slap me. I take offensive to that but the best offensive is a good defense. I was going somewhere but can’t remember….

The rape scene begins in the cafeteria. It actually begins and ends there. While waiting in line, I was scoping out the meat. (No, not Korean guys, the food idiots. Felt I had to clarify for Courtney. Poor thing had to google what a synonym was. Seriously, my niece had homework about synonyms and Courtney didn’t know what they were. Funny yet sad.) So… I see these big fried things of what looked to be deliciousness. Yummy, I am going to eat you up like a fat kid in a candy store. I am always so hungry by lunch. So, I sat down to enjoy my lunch and they looked so freaking good. To bad they didn't taste as good as they looked. Why does it always have too look so darn good but taste like toe jam. Seriously, It tasted like fried Chicken of Sea, with hamster droppings as seasoning. I still feel sick but that was the only thing I put on my plate so I felt obligated to eat it. Stupid obligations. Everyone was looking at my facial reactions as I ate. Looking for my approval of Korean food. I was thinking “Can everyone just stop looking so I can throw this across the room or slide it on my co-teacher’s plate.” My acting skills have blossomed so much here. I performed one of those, (Insert Texan accent) Oh My God grandma this the best things since Christmas!, but really I wanted to slip it under the table to feed the dog. I don’t have a dog, though I have some colleagues that chew with their mouths open which makes them look like dogs. Sometimes I wish I were blind so I could have a Seeing Eye Dog. Life would be so much easier.

So as I was eating this disgusting crap they call food, I forced my mind to leave my body. YAY, I can leave. Seriously, I left Matt Weaver as you know him. I went to another world. I was in dreamland and life was beautiful. I don’t even remember eating the disgusting food and as soon as I knew it I had finished my lunch. I thought, “How did I eat that crap?” I realized, while I was in my happy place, my body was feeding itself. It was quite nice.

I know, how can I compare rape to eating? I assume when you’re raped you leave your body the same way. Well, I would hope so or I just look like an ass. I probably already look like an ass because rape is actually a serious issue and I am comparing it to my lunch today. Oh well, I can’t always be politically correct. I don’t even like politics, maybe that’s why I am never politically correct. Let’s just say I felt raped by my lunch today and now I need a shower and I should call the police.

Last week one my middle school students grabbed my cell phone and wanted to put her number in it. I freaked out. What? No, you cannot have my number and I definitely don’t want yours. Little dirty girl go away. Some of my co-teachers text and call students but I’m definitely not doing that. I have heard way too many stories. That same day while I was walking home a student asked where I lived and wanted directions. She said “I want to go.” Ummmmmm. What? Can you just go home and get breast fed because you are a baby and that is way too awkward. I would never have a student over. I don’t need to understand all the culture difference to know that students having my number and coming over is definitely not a good idea. That is just asking for trouble. I would rather let Micheal Jackson sleep over.

All of my stories had something to do with rape. Well, maybe not totally....but if you stretch it.

Reality

Disclaimer—I wasn't clicking so well while writing this. I blame Mrs. De Souza because her blog made me cry and now my mind can’t stop thinking of Maura. http://mauraupdate.blogspot.com/ (this is her blog encase you haven’t looked at it in awhile) This Thursday it will be 6 months since she has died.

I can’t believe that it has been 6 months this Thursday that Maura died. Looking back, I was definitely in denial. It’s just so much easier to deny something then to face it head on, especially when someone means so much to you. Maybe this is why the month and 1/2 gap after mars died and before I came to Korea I worked really hard to avoid everyone. I tried so hard to avoid everything that reminded me of Maura. Before I left, I basically threw everything away or gave it away. The only possessions I have back home is a bed, 2 TVs, 3 boxes of childhood things and a box of Maura’s stuff that her mom gave me. Material things are so dumb and pointless; life is better with nice things but life isn’t about that.

The month and 1/2 of denial and then moving to Korea, I really didn’t have much time to deal with anything. I like sharing in others people pain but I hate sharing my own pain. No matter how much anyone says they understand what you’re going through, they really can’t. It’s really hard for me to blog about this stuff but it is a weakness and I am going to turn it into a strength.

Well, the shock of living in Korea has finally worn off and I am now facing reality. Emotions suck sometimes, but it’s what makes us compassionate, loving people. I try hard to bury difficult emotions but they always find a way out. The other day I went to starbucks with Alexis and we were chitchatting but all I could think about was a flashback….It was a bright sunny day, Maura and I were sitting outside of starbucks just chitchatting about how beautiful the world was and how excited we were about our futures. That day we promised when we were old we would come back to the Huntsville starbucks sit outside and enjoy the fresh Texas air again…. While I was sitting there with Alexis, I just felt so hopeless because that could never happen. I was driving myself crazy trying to not think of Maura but I just couldn’t help it.

I hate being sad but I have realized that there will be good days and bad days. I am not a sad person and usually when I get sad it’s only for a couple hours or an afternoon. Being a Debbie downer isn’t my personality but everyone has feelings of sadness and you’re nuts if you don’t admit that. So after Maura died I was in shock until July and then in July I moved to Korea. I got to Korea and was in cultural shock, so I definitely was not thinking of how much I was hurting. This week Maura’s mom wrote about how she feels like she is back at square one with the grieving process and I am totally with her but this time it feels like my first time. I am terrified that I am going to forget the fond memories we shared. I have a horrible memory and can barely remember what I eat for breakfast. This week I have had a lot of flashbacks from the past year. I still wish it would have been me instead of Maura. I keep having flashbacks of the Sunday before she died; I keep seeing Maura wincing out in pain that night and I was just sitting on the stairs fighting back tears. Really, all I could do is weep but that doesn’t help anyone. I felt so helpless because I couldn’t do anything. I try to black out those memories but they always find away to creep back. When she finally passed I kept telling myself that I should be relieved because I knew she didn’t have to feel any pain ever again, but really let’s be honest I felt screwed. Still do in fact.

I realized that I haven’t really sang in 6 months. Yeah, 6 months without singing. Singing is my life and one of my greatest passions. I’m not talking about Karaoke singing, I am talking about singing countertenor stuff. Maura was the person who talked me into singing countertenor and was the most amazing encourager ever. I remember the last time I sung countertenor stuff…It was 3 days before she died, her bed was placed in the living room so all of her friends and family could come say goodbye. It was so difficult to see so many people come say those words “goodbye” because it would actually be the last time they could say goodbye. That Sunday all of her friends gathered and we sang everything that Maura wanted to hear. That was one of the most powerful moments of my life to see so many come together and create music. Music is so powerful. I didn’t realize I was avoiding singing until this week when I tried to remember the last time I had sung countertenor rep and it was that Sunday standing next to her in her living room with her smiling face comforting me.

Death sucks; I wish it was a person so I could slap it. I know it is a natural part of life and it is something we all have in common but it still sucks when someone you love dies. In some aspects I am a coward because I hope I die before most of my friends and family because I think dealing with loss is harder than actually dying. When I die I get to rejoice in heaven but if everyone around me dies then I am stuck on earth just missing everyone. I am not waiting to die by any means; I just think it would be easier to not miss everyone. I know I am young and my opinion will probably change many times but this is how I feel now.

The Devil!

Have you ever woke up and thought “Where the hell am I?” I do that every morning. Seriously, I wake up in panic sometimes and almost wet myself but then I realize that I am just in Korea. Korea is like a neverland. Time goes by so fast and I don’t ever keep track. Nothing matters here.

The only thing I stress over is what to eat or what is the Korean phrase for “What the hell am I eating.” Every day at school I eat weird bizarre and sometimes disgusting food but I kind of like it. It’s funny because I would usually look forward to lunch, with me being a fatty in all. I love my food but here food is just something I do. Today we had potatoes with maple syrup. I didn’t know it was maple syrup, but I was so excited to eat potatoes. I piled those potatoes on my plate…boy I regretted that decision as soon as I took the first bite. Seriously, who puts maple syrup on potatoes?

So, this week has been an incredibly strange week. I don’t blog about everything because my mom would have a heart attack and die. Heck, I have a heart attack and die on a daily basis. I love the daily adventures of walking down the street. Some advice I have got is “Assume every puddle is pee.” Maybe that is why my shoes smells like Kristen’s hair. (Kristen is my annoying sister... by the way, I had a dream about you last night. You and I were fighting and we were so pissed at one another. I woke up still angry. Kind of odd that you piss me off in my sleep. Ha, I love you!)


Friday night I went out to the Casino and it was pretty interesting. It was nothing like casinos back home. This casino was small and had a lot of card tables. I lost 30,000 won which is almost 30 dollars. I am tight and don’t like to lose money. After the casino we went dancing. We danced on the stage and had a really good time. Stuff happened…blah blah blah (You would like to know wouldn’t you…well maybe you can fill me in…) we took a cab back home at about 6:00 am or so. Katie and I were walking home and I stopped to rest on the grass next to city hall. I laid back in the grass and we started talking about food. Katie ran off to get food and yelled “come on.” I was so tired and probably said “Right behind you.” I didn’t move I just laid there and took a nap outside of city hall. I woke up about 30/45 minutes later (thanks to a bus) and I was home by 8:30 in the morning.

Today I played jeopardy with my classes. I haven’t played a game in a long time because we are too busy working on sentence structure and other important grammar problems. The only reason we played jeopardy is because one of the other teachers has swine flu and stayed home. They took all of her classes and put them in mine. Just imagine how nice that is. My classes are double in size 40-50 students in one class. It is so hard to control, especially when you don’t speak Korean and you are by yourself. I actually lost control and yelled at one class. Korean teachers yell and beat the students all the time. It is all they know. Kids get beat with sticks it is really scary. I was giving a speech about not playing the recorder in my class here is how the speech went. Imagine I have a high voice but when I am angry/serious my voice drops and I get super loud. Loud deep man voice.

“I don’t know what you do in the other teacher’s class but in my class we do not talk when I talk. We also do NOT play the recorder……. (A girl turns around and starts talking) (insert MATT”S SCREAMING DEVIL VOICE)….YOU RIGHT THERE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING. ARE YOU STUPID? I SAID NO TALKING WHEN I AM TALKING.” The class of 50 middle school boys and girls went silent. I could hear that girl’s heart beat. No one moved. The rest of the class went perfect. I was really angry because they put the low level student in my class and they can’t understand English or speak English and I didn’t have a co-teacher. I can’t speak Korean but I can sure speak I am going to SMACK THE HELL OUT OF YOU. Seriously, the other teacher lets those kids walk all over her. The kids walk out of class saying “I love you.” Gosh, I love children but only my children. Keep those other classes away from me. Next week she will be back. Thank God.

In another class today, one of the boys started crying because I would not call on him to answer a question. It was so funny but I felt bad. He is really smart and knows every question before I ask it. One of the questions I asked after he finished crying was “When did Mr. Weaver move to Korea.” He raised his hands and shouted, “July!” I thought “Wow that is creepy; he answered that way too fast.” One of the other student shouted “stalker.” I lost control with laughter. I then asked him “What did I eat for breakfast?” Thank God he didn’t know.

Me love you long time!!

Disclaimer--ADULT SITUATIONS not suitable for Mothers, Preachers, Children, Homeless people, Prostitutes and Ugly old women.....I can't believe I just made a sentence with Mother and Prostitute...this blog is starting out on the right foot.


What I learned this week…that guys can get yeast infections. That came out funny (that’s what she said) No…but really…I don’t know from personal experience but I do know that guys can get it…this is probably the strangest way to start off my blog but it has been a heck of a strange week… Okay, now that the awkward statement of the day is over…let’s talk about Korea.

Okay, yesterday a group of us went shopping for winter clothes….I thought I was moving to a tropical island paradise, boy was I wrong. It is colder than a well digger's ass…also don’t know from personal experience, that a well digger’s ass is cold….My mom says that phrase all the time…I am so Texan sometimes….anyways….our group split up and my buddy Tommy and I were strolling down the street when this nasty old gypsy looking woman asked if we wanted to buy sex…..I paused and said “Excuse me?” she repeated in Konglish “You want to buy sex?” I thought for a second….is sex a new cologne? ….then it dawned…she wants to sell her nasty saggy body to me….I was shocked….my next thought….but you’re so ugly and old and trashy...nothing like that movie pretty woman…where is Julie Roberts???…Seriously though, who would buy that piece of crap? That is horrible thing to think, but I thought it and I can’t take it back……gosh she looked hideous….so we just ran away as fast as we could…. Serious time for a moment….first of all…my mom would have freaked out if that would have happened to her…I would love to have seen her in that situation…NO…perverts my mom is not a prostitute….goodness…I am talking about my mom being in my shoes…not my mom trying to sell her body to someone…I think I just threw up on my keyboard…My mom is going to slap the crap out of me the next time she see me and I can’t wait. I think partaking in prostitution is despicable and would never buy sex or sell my body for sex….I know there would be a long line to pay to have sex with me but that line will just have to wait forever….or jump on over to the free line. Just kidding mom…don’t have a freak out moment. I think prostitution is a huge problem and women/children are forced into at a young age…it is horrible and I wish it would just go away.

I was going to blog about my strange white neighbor that was banging on my door in his underwear the other morning....but I went this route instead.....here is the short version....Monday morning my neighbor was banging on my door...I thought it was Alexis, my walking to school buddy...so I was screaming give me a damn sec.....I was talking to my sister Courtney online...and I had to finish getting ready...so I finished getting ready...which took about 8 minutes and he keeps banging on my door...I yell again...."HOLD ON." it was freezing outside....I open the door and he is standing there like a child molester in a school zone....CREEPY! He is in boxer underwear and a tiny white shirt....I wanted to throw up....He asked if I was banging on the wall...I looked at him like he was the stupidest person on earth and said "Why would I bang on the walls?" .....I am not having sex or anything...gosh...I am just getting ready...anyways he was really annoying and I said "I don't have time...I have to get to school....." I had time...just not for him....as he walked away I swear he had poop stains on his boxer.......

And the strange week continues....

Fire me? What? You be cRaZy!

Disclaimer--I didn't feel like correcting my grammar mistakes so please don't email me corrections and expect me to fix them...thanks...muah...is that even a disclaimer?


10 reasons why I would get fired.

1. -Called an Asian student a monkey. The student was seriously acting like a monkey and I said “Monkey, stop.” The monkey…I mean student…looked at me and we had a good laugh.

2. --I scared a special needs student. This girl was sleeping during my Halloween lesson. I thought ‘what better way to show the spirit of Halloween then scaring someone to death.’ I snuck up on her like a mouse and shook her arms and yelled at the top of my lungs. The girl woke up in a panic….after class my co-teacher told me that she was a special needs student. You would think I would get a memo about special needs student in my class. No ARD meetings or lists of students that American schools would handout. Gosh, I felt like a huge ass once again.

3. --Told a student he sucked in the middle of class and all the kids started saying “you suck.” I stopped the class fast and said “Don’t say that….only teachers can say that.” Thank God they bought my explanation of only grownups can say certain things.

4. --A girl was looking at a magazine while she was supposed to be working on a writing assignment. I collected the magazine and began looking through it. I didn’t have anything else to do…I started laughing and asked the class if a famous male role model was gay. They laughed and said “NOOOO.” Then I asked the class if they knew what gay meant. They laughed again and said “yeah.” I paused and realized that probably isn’t an appropriate topic for English class. Korea doesn’t have gay. Gay people do not exist here.

5. --Chat on facebook all day at work. I have a lot of down time. I teach four hours and then have nothing else to do. I look at it as working because I am practicing my English skills when I chat to my friends…..

6. --I asked the English intern if boys slept over at her house…..I know it sounds inappropriate but it was not suppose to be. I blame English-Korean translation. She still lives with her parents because it is common for single people to live with family until they marry. I was curious if she ever brought boyfriends home and they spent the night. I was in NOOO way trying to ask her if I could come over and sleep with her….omg….I am such a moron….I think she got the wrong impression because she turned red and it looked like she wanted to run away…..and then I turned red and wanted to run away. Don’t worry I fixed conversation with another awkward comment…continue on to reason number 7.

7. --I asked the English intern if she shaved her nipples…yeah, I was trying to leave an awkward conversation and what happens…I go and make it even more awkward. She had little band aids all over her neck area and I thought maybe she shaved her neck and throat area…yeah, like a man. I meant to ask neck but said nipples……oh lord. Good thing she is a diehard Christian because she needed to go pray after talking with me.

8. --I screw up Korean names all the time…so my solution is listen to how they pronounce their names and then turn their name into something really funny……few names I have made up so far are: King Kong(kin kong), Jesu (hei su), Amen (ha min), easy in (Lee si lin)…yeah, my classes get a kick out of this….I usually try to make the names ridiculous.

9. --I sweat a lot. I climb a freaking mountain to get to school. Of course I am going to sweat. Every morning I have sweat rolling down my face and the English interns say “Wow, you are so sweaty.” And every morning I say… “I know…..I climb up a freaking mountain….and Korean people don’t sweat.” You would think that conversation would get old…but no…I can’t wait until tomorrow morning.

10. I went to lunch with some of the young English interns and I love joking around and messing with people. One of the girls asked to look at my palm…I know, weird huh?....anyways I asked if she could read palms too? …..I can’t read palms…she was so amazed that I could read palms….I took her palm and told her all of this hocus pocus bull crap and she believed me! Seriously though, I was laughing when I told all of that bull crap…I think I told her that she would fall in love and he would break her heart…then she would marry a man she didn’t love…blah blah blah…then I think I said… something about being unhappy the rest of her life…and more crap….anyways she came to school the next day and was telling people I could read palms….ha ha…I said “NO.” I was just kidding…..so now everyone thinks I'm a witch or something….def. should fire a witch.



10 reasons I would never get fired.

1. You can’t fire a witch…they will put a curse on you and torture you.

2. Way to handsome to get fired….shut up Kristen. I wish I could slap you over the internet…j/k but really… I love you…..

3. Everyone loves me. The teacher before me was really bad and boring. Everyone bends over backwards for me here….if you know what I mean…oooo…sorry I was not trying to make that a perverted joke, it just happened.

4. I am punctual. Have I ever been late? I hate people that are late. I guess growing up with 5 women, who were always late to EVERYTHING has made me anal with time. Seriously though, women take forever to get ready….I think it takes my Mom 2 hours just to fix her hair…..I heart big Texas HAIR! Miss ya mommy.

5. I always smell nice….Well nice and sweaty that is. Seriously, most days I take 3 or 4 showers….I know let me explain. When I wake up…I must shower or I am not helpful to anyone. After school I usually shower…I get home and I am sweaty and smell like nasty little children……I shower at the gym. That’s 3 showers….I also have to shower if I take a nap…or my brain is completely wasted.

6. I am funny. You can’t fire the funny guy.

7. They spent a lot of money to get me here. It would be a waste.

8. In Korea, I am actually tall. They love tall people. Can you tell I am running low on excuses to not fire me…..

9. My students love me….they chant my name out the windows when I walk to lunch…who could fire a celebrity? Well maybe Donald Trump…good thing he isn’t my boss.

10. You always need that one person who can break the ice with awkward conversation……that’s the best I got…I should have started with 10 reasons I would never get fired.

I found it a lot harder (that's what she said) to write 10 reasons to not fire me......that makes me sad.....but not to sad...Love you all!

You want some H20 to go with that computer?

Random thought of the day……When I say no offensive, it actually means no offensive…..no matter how offensive it really is…..that should make everything I say alright….I would hope.


I had a nice surprise on my desk this morning it was a present. I asked “What is this for?” The response I got, “It’s a honeymoon gift!” I looked confused and said “But I’m not even dating anyone……” I seriously thought for a moment….did I have a little too much fun this weekend and got married…..no I didn’t….I thought back to the weekend before….that could be possible….after 15 minutes of explanation about the present….I figured it out.... One of my colleagues got married a couple of weeks ago and while on his honeymoon he bought me a present. How nice is that!!! I would never think about colleagues on my honeymoon…that would be the last thing on my mind…but then again who wouldn’t think about me on their honeymoon……I can’ t help that I’m so good looking….(Insert your own sarcastic joke…you jerks.)


I broke the copy machine this morning….I don’t know what happened. It all happened so fast. First off everything is in Korean…So as usual, I close my eyes and push random buttons while hoping for the best. Most of the time it works…..today, not so much. It made 3 copies and then it stopped…it started beeping and flashing Korean words….red lights were going off…..it was horrifying….I thought the paper was out…so I checked…then I didn’t know what to do…I panicked and ran away as fast as I could…..I still need copies though…so hopefully someone will fix it by lunch. I would have asked for help but no one speaks English….my co-teachers were all teaching. I hope it is an easy fix! My first couple of classes needed to work on penmanship anyways.


I was writing on the board and I turned around really fast….. as I turned I accidentally hit my water cup and spilled water all over my co-teacher’s keyboard……you should have seen my face. It was the biggest “Oh S***” face….. I felt like a little child again….I thought my co-teacher was going to freak out and start yelling profanities at me then bend me over backwards and spank the hell out of me. Then I stopped having a panic attack and realized she wasn’t my mom and I was 23. To my surprise, she acted like it was her fault…..Thank goodness it wasn’t a laptop and it was just a keyboard….I still felt like a huge IDIOT….I am so accident prone sometimes. The computer was an old piece of crap anyways…I just helped her out a little bit, but really you should have seen my face….water went all over that computer….can you say awkward.

Mom stay out of my head!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer—you might go legally stupid from reading my blog. Seriously.

We all know mothers can be overprotective and plain out annoying sometimes. Come on, honest truth. We are all like that to a point. Well not me. I am never annoying. You’re thinking “Whatever, you are the most annoying person I know.” I am thinking “I hate you Kristen.” Kristen is my sister…the loudest, most opinionated person I know… besides my mother. Love you MOM!

Yesterday, a group of friends and I took a trip to COSTCO! I love that store, makes me feel like I am back at home. After the trip, I helped my friend Katie carry her groceries back to her apartment. We decided to go on a treasure hunt! She saw a couch she wanted on the side of the street. We were looking at this piece of furniture and I grabbed the couch to pull it out……when I sliced my arm on a huge piece of glass. (Insert profanity….by profanity I mean darn the devil, oh man, and crap cakes…) I really didn’t care that much, I have a high tolerance for pain. My arm was dripping with blood, so we had to move the couch fast. Don’t worry mom, I rubbed some dirt on the cut and we continued the treasure hunt. I love treasure hunts!

On my way home, my mother popped in my head….(Oh mom. You are still as obtrusive as you are back home)….She was saying, (with a thick country accent) “Oh my gosh Matt, you have hepatitis now. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Or you have AIDS…..AIDS Matt, that is so serious. Oh Matt, what were you thinking cutting yourself” I literally rolled my eyes. Now I have a phobia of catching hepatitis…I don’t even know what hepatitis is but I know I don’t want it.

I have so many phobias now and I blame my MOTHER. Love you mom, but you are a little over the top sometimes. By sometimes I mean all the time and by a little I mean a lot. My mom thinks I am going to get axed murdered wherever I go. She probably wants to axe murder me herself most of the time because I make fun of her. You know I love you when I make fun of you. Most of the time, I don’t tell my mom what I am doing because she will freak out and just worry to death. I tell her at the last moment or after I do it or not at all. I am so glad my mom can’t blog because I would hate her response to this blog. I imagine it would go like this:

(In a thick country accent) (It works better if I read it, but I can’t)

Matthew Ryan Weaver, I’m going to come to Korea and slap the hell out of you. It’s been a while since you’ve had a good ole slap. I have a right to worry; you are my titty-baby. (Yeah, she calls me a titty-baby) Hepatitis and AIDS is nothing to joke about. You should go right now and get a hepatitis shot. (Insert Matt giving an eye roll) And you are such an idiot; you can’t get AIDS from broken glass. Hepatitis can kill you, you moron. Go right now and get one. How many times have I told you to get a hepatitis shot. (Insert another eye roll) ……..This is when my ADD kicks in and I never listen to the rest…..

On Monday, I had my students work in groups. One of the groups of girls decided that they were not going to work… I walked over to punish them and I sternly asked “What do you think you’re doing?” One of the girls fluttered her eyes and said “You’re so handsome and your eyes are so beautiful. Are you mad at us?” Of course I couldn’t punish them….they were so adorable. I started to laugh and my stern mean face went away. I joked around with them about not getting into university and being losers for the rest of their life….they started working and actually turned in some of the best work of the week. This is actually the first time I went to punish someone and I ended not doing it. I really don’t punish my students…they don’t need it. They pay attention and are awesome most of the time.

Ha Ha, this was fun making fun of my mom! Love everyone back home. Take care, and don’t worry. I don’t have any weird diseases. I eat lots of kimchi.

Random thoughts by Matt Weaver....isn't this whole blog random thoughts?

Disclaimer--My blog is suppose to feel like I am talking to you.....if you don't feel the spirit of my blog then pause and slap yourself.....then you will feel the spirit....

Last week we had a civil defense drill. It freaked me out!!!! Sirens went off and all the students hid under their desks. This drill was intended for when North Korea attacks South Korea ….aka WWIII…. I don’t think hiding under the desk and screaming will save your life. Whatever floats your boat.

What would I do if North Korea invaded? I haven’t thought about it….give me a sec….ok here we go…. I would first have a panic attack…..then I would scream and run to my apartment. I would make a sandwich because I am sure all of that screaming would make me hungry. I would then probably take a nap…. I am pretty sure I would be tired from screaming and eating….. After my nap, I would gather food/water and my passport. That’s as far as I got…. I have nothing to worry about...so I stopped imagining my future in a WWIII country….also I got distracted.

Where the heck are the Janitors? I have yet to see one. My school makes students sweep, mop, pick up trash, and tend to the gardens. Sometimes it’s punishment and sometimes it’s their duty. What really freaked me out was….. I was walking around outside and the vice principal was getting down and dirty with the weeds….he was in a suit gardening….it was awkwardly entertaining. He is always doing tasks that a Janitor would do….maybe vice principal stands for Janitor….I don’t know…The vice principal at my middle school just started vacuuming…..What is he doing??? It is so crazy…that would never happen in America. My vice-principal is always busy doing some awkward task. Maybe he can give me a back massage …I am a little sore from the weekend.

When I first started teaching I needed some copies…I asked my co-teacher where the secretary was because I needed her/him to make copies…my co-teacher looked at me like he was dumbfounded….he replied “We make our own copies.” He was so intrigued by the fact in America we had people that made copies for us….it’s the small things in life we take for granted.

Sometimes I should stop myself....today, I didn't...this is what you get.

I went shampoo shopping yesterday. I know, how freaking exciting!!! Sorry mom, you hate the freaking word…but at least I didn’t say the bad word that starts with f and sounds like yuck. Sorry Jesus, everyone that reads this blog is going to think of a bad word and I feel like it’s my fault….but really is it my fault that people are mentally sick and think of curse words…I say NO…well maybe in this one tiny case it is…but I love you. (Did everyone just have a moment with Jesus like me?) I know I grabbed your interest with that shampoo sentence…(insert sarcasm) I probably did grab your attention though…well if you know me…and you do…then you know I am NOT going to talk about shampoo. Well, I tricked you. I am going to talk a little bit about shampoo…I hope I didn’t lose your interest like that Korean girl lost her innocence last night (TOTAL JOKE MOM…ahahha…maybe not so funny to you, but anyways who cares?....j/k I totally care…but really…no really mom, I care…do I? I guess you will never know) I knew you would keep reading…ha ha(from the Simpsons)

Ok, you’re thinking get to the darn point already…but it is so fun…you have already wasted 1-2 minutes of your life (5-10 min if you’re from Texas….j/k) (Encase you didn’t get that joke…I was calling Texas people SLOW….goodness, keep up y’all) by the way you will never ever get back the time you wasted reading this. Okay, but really. I went shampoo shopping yesterday. You’re thinking, “You’ve said that DAMIT” I know…I was just reminding you. (gosh) So, It took me 56 minutes and 22 seconds to find the perfect shampoo. You’re thinking "how in the hell did it take him that long. I know he is special but not that special." I’m thinking "Ass." Well, first of all the little Korean elf’s move everything during the night. No joke, I will go shopping for a specific item one week and find it. The next week it is gone. At first I thought I was going crazier…but then I started to remember where I left my jacket and went back to the place I left it but the jacket was gone. What the hell, I just changed stories…p.s. I lost my jacket somewhere and can’t find it.

Back to the store story…I left my jacket somewhere, so if you see it let me know…seriously back to the store. The store sucks, every week the Korean elf’s move stuff around. I call them Korean elf’s…they are more like tiny Korean women with big ears…see, now you know why they are elf’s….P.S. I love elf’s and this is in no way intended to offend elf’s. I’m not talking about 1 or 2 items; I am talking about everything item in the whole dam thing. I meant to write Darn but wrote dam…at least I didn’t say Damn. Is Damn even a bad word?...at this point you probably don’t care…moving on... Seriously, I lost my Jacket. You’re thinking "Focus Matt"…I’m thinking "it’s so hard" She’s thinking "That’s WHAT I SAID" OMG……where was I? ADD…which also stands for multiplication ....which I can barely spell…..j/k I am an English teacher.... We will get in a chat about ADDING later. Where was I…..the store…So, since they move every single ITEM…it’s like the first time every time ......ummm….do I need to take time to joke? NO time just focus. I finally found the shampoo after being distracted for 45 minutes and 1 sec by other things…..OKAY, I was distracted by the candy…..it all looked so good but I knew if I bought one it would taste like crap. I have been disappointed so many times by Korean candy it makes me sad. Now I’m happy..mood swing ....I know how my Mom feels when she went through Menopause…well, not really, but maybe a little? She did eat a lot of chocolate…when I say a lot…I mean A LOT. She is going to kill me the next time she sees me…good thing I have a whole year. Oh man, I forgot what I was talking about. I am going to have to read this whole thing just to figure it out…I wish you were here so you could tell me. I pondered not going back to the beginning and just starting a new story…but you have already dedicated so much to reading this….. Okay give me 15 minutes (I am from Texas) Wow…I wrote a lot of crap…when I say crap I mean CRAP…I feel bad you had to read that. I’m not sorry though. So after the candy…I found the shampoo…(to wrap this up quickly…((That’s what she said…)) (((and yes I just used (( ))and ((( ))). ) The shampoo I found reminded me of my sisters…. Yeah, all four of them at once. This is not meant to be perverted but I know a lot of SICK people out there…and by sick…I mean really sick. So, I bought the shampoo that reminded me of them. Because smelling it made me home sick ….stupid shampoo. So, I used it today and now I smell like my sisters…..ummmm that is not a good thing…well I could smell worse. Who cares if I smell like a girl!!!! At least I smell clean. I liked how I wrapped that up. Next time, I will not have a cup of wine before I write my blog. I just wrote start from my brain without going back…I hope I didn’t sound to dumb…good lord.

Are those hanes? (the underwear)

Gym stories are the best…..or are they? I skipped the gym for about a week. (I know, shame on me…I am such a fat ass….goodness y’all are so judgmental!) On Monday I was working out and a new trainer came over and introduced himself. He kept talking and talking and talking. He was talking about God knows what…..I have a hard time paying attention to someone who just talks and talks and talks…and talks and talks and talks….I get distracted really easy. Seriously he was talking and I kept looking at a huge zit on his nose….all I could think about was how that zit could explode at any moment and hit me in the face. I was so disgusted by the time we finished talking. (Well I wasn’t doing that much talking)

He was actually pretty nice except for the awkward long pause at the end of the conversation. I wanted to work out and he wanted to chat my ear off. I know, who am I? I love chatting ears off.

Anyways, I was getting out of the shower and who was standing in the corner creepily? Yeah, you guessed right! (The new trainer) I normally wouldn’t care but we were the only two in the locker-room…and it felt like he was watching me. Who stands in the corner of the room just to stand there? Especially in the Men's locker-room. Really though? I can give you names and numbers of much better looking people to stalk in the locker-room. (Well….. probably not…but anyways) I thought maybe I was just over thinking …so I just said whatever and drank a glass of water. It was by far the best water I have had in Korea? Why? I guess I was really thirsty! Water is so yummy….back to the story

I went back to the gym the next day. (yesterday) The new trainer was working! It was raining really hard, so not a lot of people were at the gym. Same routine just less talkie talkie. I wrapped up my workout and headed for the showers. When I got out of the shower guess who was standing in the corner? Yeah, creepy trainer….OMG, what is it about that corner? It was kind of awkward but at least there were a lot more people in the locker-room. He walked around picking up dirty towels and clothes…I would rather eat a whole bowl of octopus than pick up dirty underwear. Well…maybe not a whole bowl…maybe like a tiny leg or something. (I hate octopus by the way)

I amaze myself sometimes….. like when I manage to dry off with the tiniest hand towel known to man. Seriously, the smallest towel ever…It’s like I dry off with a napkin.

I wanted to leave the locker-room but a naked Korean guy was blocking my path…..I didn’t want to squeeze by him because I was scared of touching his naked butt…or the opposite of his butt…by opposite I don’t mean his face….(That just sent a shiver down my spine) I sat on the bench and waited. I put my bag down and pretended to look through it and put my jacket on. As I was putting my jacket on I noticed something colorful on the bench next to me. What was on the bench? Great question! It was the most flaming underwear I have EVER seen. OMG….they were flaming baby blue and pink with purple flowers. I thought it was a joke and I started laughing …the naked guy glared at me and I felt so awkward. I think he thought I was laughing at him…(by him I mean the size of his package….or the lack of size ….I don’t know I wasn’t paying attention to that…but really package size, not so impressive) I wish I had a camera because that underwear was priceless.

How I am really doing

You really want to know how I am doing in Korea. The honest truth is not a day goes by that I don’t think of Maura. She was huge part of my life. We lived together, hung out 24/7 and told each other everything. When we were separated longer than 2 days we had hours of stuff to talk about. Someone would tell us a secret and we would share it with each other because we trusted each other with our lives.
The past year and a half has changed so much. My best friend passed away, I graduated university, I moved to Korea, and my grandpa was recently diagnosed with Cancer.

I still remember the day that my life would change forever. Maura dropped me off for choir and headed to the quack shack doctor in Huntsville. In the middle of rehearsal the choir door flung open and my heart stopped. Maura walked in and everyone in the room knew the look on Maura’s face was not good. That day I knew my life would never be same. We jumped in the car and I remember driving so fast as we discussed tumors, cancer, and then funny stuff. (lord knows that I hate talking about serious stuff longer than 15 minutes) We were in panic mode; we didn’t know what to do. I could tell she just wanted her mom and dad. Heck, I wanted my MOM. As we drove, I made inappropriate comments and made her laugh. The crying faded and the realization of the situation started to somewhat settle in. Even in time of devastation we were able to laugh and cry together.

The realization that my best passed away on May 19, 2009 is starting to settle in. I will never understand why my best friend passed away but I am lucky for the time I spent with Maura. Every day I want to pick of the phone and call her. I remembered the two weeks before she died, every day I would kiss her on the forehead and tell her I loved her. Kissing someone goodbye forever was the hardest thing I have ever done. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I asked the question, “Why?” I have come to the realization that some things are not supposed to be understood. I don’t like it but I accept it. Through this my faith has grown; I know for a fact that I will see her again in heaven. I know the relationship we had has helped me become a better person. Maura was the most influential person in my life. If you have ever lived with me then you know I can get a bit moody and I like to push buttons. (4 sister’s and a bossy mom, I like to fight and argue…LOL) Maura and I never fought. I can’t remember one fight. We definitely disagreed sometimes but we were never mad at each other longer than 10 minutes.

This year has changed so much……watching my best friend going through chemo for almost a year killed me. It was like someone stabbing me in my heart. (WOW…maybe I shouldn’t write this a work because I started tearing up and now my co-teachers are looking at me. Good thing I am a funny person because I just made myself laugh….) I started to tear up because I had a flash back of the days Maura just seemed lifeless from Chemo. Some of my favorite memories were going over to her house and sneaking in and just sitting by her and chatting to her mom. Maura would wake up and smile and at that moment I knew I was exactly where I needed to be. I feel close to the de Souza family, they are my adopted family! I love them so much! I loved visiting their house because Maura’s face would light up and I would feel like the luckiest person ever!

Before Maura died I was planning on moving to Korea, it wasn’t like I was trying to escape. Moving to Korea has been actually easier than staying home. People don’t look at me with the look of “I am so sorry.” That makes everything so much harder sometimes. I don’t like people feeling sorry me. People don’t know my background unless I tell them. People don’t ask how I am doing. Yet, it is difficult because I am still reminded of Maura everywhere I go.

I have been in Korea for 3 months, time has flew by. The week when I moved my grandpa was diagnosed with a rare cancer. It seemed like the nightmare would continue but really it hasn’t. Life is what you make out of it. Even through tough times. I am not a sad person and I don’t like being sad. I also don’t like others around me to be sad or depressed. We have to live life to the fullest because tomorrow isn’t promised. I love my grandpa and I know I can’t do anything but show my love for him.

When I moved to Korea I had no family and friends. It was terrifying! I have connected with a lot people already and have met some truly amazing people. I am so lucky to make such wonderful friends in a distant place. Material objects come and go but relationships last forever. I know without a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be for the time being. If you ask my mom she would say “Hell NO.” LoL. I feel really blessed because I have made relationships with people that will last a lifetime. Korea is truly a unique place and I feel the longer I am here the more I change. I did not know where this blog was going before I started. I need to share because sharing isn’t a sign a weakness it is a sign of strength.

Took you long enough!

Blog time!

I realized it has been a long time since I have blogged. I have been getting lots of messages telling me to blog. By lots I mean 3…..So what have I been doing for the past 3 weeks???? You would love to know perverts. Maybe pervert was the wrong choice of word….maybe I should use friends…okay I give up trying to fix that…moving on. Well…I woke up every morning ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner…and then went to bed. Don’t you feel screwed? You wasted your time reading that crap. But really though?

Okay, I traveled to the east sea one weekend and to an island another weekend. Nothing too exciting…but I was able to hang out with great friends and see the most amazing sceneries. Korea is truly a beautiful place! The island was amazing because there weren’t a lot of people and the beach was astonishing. (Details???? Go check out my pics on facebook! I have stories but don’t want to embarrass my friends…only myself..ahah)

The past week I had to say goodbye to four friends (their contracts were up)…..they need to come back! I am quite surprised at how fast I become friends with people here. I am really sad that they left….okay, time to meet new friends. I am sure I have funny stories but I can’t think right now….writers block….I will do a better job of keeping up with my blog! I miss all of my friends and family back home! It is a joy to get emails and messages from everyone! Even if it is just hi Matt love ya! My email is sam_guy@msn.com. New rule. If I blog about my life then you must send an email updating me on your life! Yes! YOU! The person reading this right now….you’re thinking(but I don’t know you) I don’t care….I want updates….Love ya all!

OOPSY DAISY!

I feel so happy, I could sing. Well even if I did sing you couldn't hear me....well I could record it and upload it...but then you would be really annoyed that you had to listen to "Mary had a little lamb."

A couple weeks ago I was on the bus when all of a sudden the bus driver stomps on his brakes....(Jerk) and I fall on a mid-aged lady....I panicked and said one of the only phrases I know in Korean...which was thank you. Awkward. I fall(pretty much violate) a lady and then say "Thank you." It was so awkward....I ran to the back of the bus as fast as I could. You should have seen her face...she looked like she wanted to slap me...but I did get a smile when I said "Thank you." Good thing she had big boobs because that broke my fall.

Everywhere I walk people are always looking...I am used to it now. I actually kind of enjoy it. The other day I was strolling along and this older lady didn't even look at me. I was so annoyed. Really though, look at me. I thought am I not good enough for you. So I walked down the street and turned around. Darn it, she is going to look even if I have to make her. LOL...I am just kidding but I do expect people to look at me when I walk by. Don't they know who their in the presence of.

Get the hell out of my way!

Disclaimer--This blog is from my dark side.....it's good to let it out sometimes.

I am really annoyed today! Let me explain. It all started yesterday (Sunday!) I had a bit to drink on Saturday night and made it home by 7:30 am. Okay, so I stayed out really late (or early for that matter) I woke up at 1:47 pm on Sunday and needed to make lesson plans, clean, do laundry and go grocery shopping. Not a big deal right? Wrong….Every SUNDAY I tell myself “Don’t go to Emart on the weekend.” (yeah, that’s me talking to myself) But…do I ever listen when someone tells me not to do something...of course not…I don’t even listen to myself. I was already in a cranky mood before I left…(who knows why….well some people might know..lol) Emart was packed…everyone and their momma was there. Emart has tiny aisles. What do you get when you have tiny aisle and 1 million people? HELL…that’s it. Everyone kept hitting me with their carts and bumping into me. I bet I impregnated at least 100 women because they bumped into my balls non-stop.

No one told me to wear a cup to the grocery store. I was so annoyed because people were going nuts over the samples….they would leave their cart in the middle of the aisle and run over children for a free sample. How could you knock over children for free food...you're not even going to buy it anyways...some people just disgust me. Get in my head…. “Fat ass move your basket out of the way. Didn’t your momma teach you manners.” Get out of my head. Yeah, I actually said that because most people don’t understand what I say anyway. I know my mom taught me not to cuss but she still cusses…..so if she can contradict herself…so can I. ….So people just stand and look so confused…they won’t get out of the way…it is extremely frustrating…..one point Alexis (my friend who went with me) was just standing in the middle of the aisle and she looked confused …I said “Come on, you look Korean.” ....When Korean people stand in the way looking like they are trying to solve a math problem…I have the urge to slap them. I guess I ran out of patience. The highlight was when I got hit in the nuts by a basket….yeah, I yelled “Excuse YOU.” Everyone thinks it is okay to shove people out of the way….I got pushed and shoved nonstop. I was getting so ANGRY because I don’t like pushing strangers. Alexis was funny…she said numerous times “You look so angry.” Well if people kept touching you (not in a good way) you would probably get angry too. I might have yelled a couple times but that is ok…it’s better to yell than throw a can good at someone. I am usually not a violent person but I just had so much anger…I blame my mom…she has a bad temper and it came from her. I finally left the store and I will definitely not go to emart on the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scrub, Scrub, Scrub....pause.

Disclaimer this blog may contain material inappropriate for children and may/will stereotype people for humor sake. Seriously though…okay, read it you scardy cat.

Personal space, can I have some. Please back up off of my nuts. Wow. Yeah, you just read that. I am so glad I got that off of my chest. Let me explain. Everything is not bigger in Korea (Texas joke, kind of lame) everything and everyone is stacked on top of each other. I know, awkward! I will continue on about personal space in the locker-room. Oh no, some of you might want to look away. By look away I mean not read any more of my blog. I know you’re just so amused with me that you must keep reading, even if you are offended. Ok, so you’re thinking this better be good because I just wasted 1 minute of my time opening up a webpage to read this crap.

Okay, here we go. I joined a gym a couple weeks ago and I was really hesitant about taking a shower. (at the gym of course) Why, you might ask. First of all the locker room is not big at all…(that’s what she said…wait…does that work….maybe, you decide and tell someone who cares…I care, so tell me..Back to the story…is it a story?) and it is jammed packed with Korean guys. So tiny room with tiny naked people, kind of freaks me out (I feel like I am in Ireland with leprecons…yeah even with rainbows). Guys are blow drying their tiny balls and standing in the mirror NAKED checking themselves out. (What is their to check out? Really though? Don’t be offended yet.) So, the gym has a dress code. When I walk in, I grab shorts, shirt, and a towel. Well I bring my own shorts because the gym shorts ride my crack and I hate that feeling. (I don’ t live in Montrose) The towel they provide is smaller than a hand towel…..yea, picture me trying to dry off with a hand towel. (You are so disgusting, picturing me naked…I feel so violated.)

Where was I…I have so much ADD sometimes…not mathematic skills…oh, never mind. I grab my shorts, shirt, and towel and head for the locker room and while I’m trying to change, naked guys accidentally graze me…it is so disgusting but so not weird to them…so I just have to get over my phobia of naked men grazing me while I change…..(WHAT? Insert your own gay joke) yea when in Rome. So yesterday, I had a great workout and was extremely sweaty. I decided that I would rinse off because there were only like 6 guys in the locker room. So I grab my HAND towel and head to the shower. I was taking a shower, thinking of a random song (I will always love you Dolly Parton…I know, the gayest song to think in the shower…well, at least I didn’t sing it in the shower.) I was standing thinking of my song and I grab the bar of soap and start scrubbing my body….so, I am scrubbing away and then I pause. Why did I pause? Go Inside my brain “I didn’t bring this bar of soap to the gym….whose soap is this?....I am going to get an STD from this…oh, crap…what if they have herpes…can I get herpes from using strangers soap?” Get out of my brain….Disgusting. I used community soap on my body. You’re probably asking yourself “Did he use it on his face?” I don’t have to answer that. I was so disgusted….I think that is nasty to use a bar of soap that someone else used. Anyways, I got out of the shower and felt like a giant because here I am with this tiny little towel. I couldn’t even completely dry off with the towel. Anyways it was funny. I love Korea because random crap happens all the time. Until I offend you again.

I don't want to touch your weenie!

Disclaimer- You might feel sick after reading this. After reading my title your probably a bit hesitate about reading my blog. Don't be, you will survive!

Okay, so at lunch the other day I ate a long cold weenie. It was so disgusting but one of the other teachers stood next me and said “This is the first time to serve this meat, you will love it.” So, he stood over me while I ate this horribly disgusting weenie…..I thought to myself “I am not a fan of your weenie”…I laughed and almost chocked to death and then swallowed every bite of my weenie “Insert dirty joke, if you’re a sicko”….I really like typing weenie because every time I type weenie I say it in my head and it makes me laugh….weenie. I am such a little kid sometimes….but come on, you had to laugh because your thinking of weenies now. I just had a horrible flash back of my lunch….so I had a weenie (that doesn’t make me gay) and some fish stick soup….yea the soup tasted like fish sticks…..I secretly liked it…not the weenie but the soup. My mom told me on the phone “You are going to be so glad when you come home.” I said “No, I love lunch time! It’s like an adventure! You never know what you will have to swallow!” (cough cough) I love how weird and interesting lunch hour is!

Teaching story! I love teaching the smart kids!!! They are book smart but they cannot act/perform. I had the student’s perform a short two person script. They were reading like robots, so I told them “stop being so square.” Everyone looked at me really puzzled!! It was awesome! I drew a box on the board and said “square.” They laughed but I knew they didn’t know what square meant. So I finally got my point across and they understood the joke. Since everyone thinks I am dramatic, (I really don’t think so but someone told me I was….so I began to ask my friends/family….All I can say is don’t ask if you don’ t want to know) I decided that I would show the students how to act! So I gave a performance of a lifetime!!! I really got into my performance!! It’s been awhile but it is just like riding a bike! There are two characters in the story. One is a girl and the other is a boy…..So I used my high pitch voice for a girl and my deep voice for a guy. (yes, I have a deep voice somewhere down there….jerks) The girl in the story has a lot of attitude….so I went extremely overboard with the attitude/acting! When I finished the class gave me a standing ovation!! Really though….that deserves a standing ovation….then I realized…yeah, it was pretty darn good. I never laughed so hard! It was like I had just won an Oscar! My co-teacher says “That was amazing, I am so jealous. Can all American’s do this?” My response “No, you’re very lucky.”…ahahah…I said “Well I have a lot of experience with performing.” (I thought this is a great time for ‘that’s what she said’ but passed it up. My teacher was so impressed and I thought to myself ‘She is easily impressed, tomorrow I will do a card trick’ (but then again most people in the world are square) I then asked my student’s to perform just like me……well…they tried. That is all I can ask…..poor little squares….one day you might turn into a circle but you will still be a shape. (What does that mean?)

Hashing in Korea....What?

Disclaimer--You will probably always be offended by the content of my blogs...if your not then I am doing a horrible job. P.S. I am just j/K ing ...yeah I know I just used Just Just Kidding....get over it. Some people have no ideal what I am talking about.


So I tell the funniest jokes ever!!! I plan them in my lesson plan…..kids response… “ ” yeah that is nothing. Yet I called a student crazy and the class went NUTS!!! They love the word crazy, they don’t have a word like crazy here so it translates to INSANE!! I guess it is funny.

My co-teachers love me…they always ask me if I am tired…I didn’t know why until one of them told me that I made them tired from running around the room so much. They told me I had a lot of energy…my response “its part of the music.”
Okay, so tons of people smoke here…well, I don’t. I have noticed that…. American’s "bum a cigarette” and British people "get a fag". Put them together and what do you get? LoL…

I asked a girl what her hobby was...and she said “dieting”....I felt so bad for her….my reaction…. I made a throw up gesture and asked if she made herself throw up….nobody laughed because they didn’t understand. Thank Goodness because as soon as I did the gesture I wish I hadn’t because what if she really had a problem. One girl said her English name was ‘Britney Spears’ I laughed so hard….but no one else did…I asked if she was nuts and she looked at me funny…..I just laughed because I wanted to say something else….She said “No” I am a dancer….I just laughed again….as you can tell I spend most of my time laughing….at least the class laughs also. Even though they are laughing at me laughing at them.

Today my Korean Co-teacher says “You must be starving because you’re so hyper when you teach. My response “No, but I could use a drink”…..He brings me water. He didn’t understand I was making a joke….ahahah…No one gets my jokes….
I attended this running group thing called Hashing…..I know Matt in a running group (be impressed) Well it is much more than a running group!! Trust me read more on this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hash_House_Harriers
Hashing was pretty amazing! It is more like a hunt! Two people start about 15 minutes before everyone else and chalk out a path….These two people try to trick us with confusing chalk marks…anyways we follow the path and there are many activities for us to do on this path….some of them I can’t blog about…lol…The group is composed of mainly Air Force folk/American’s…ahaha…so you get the drift….well there is one station it’s called a boob check…you get to the station and the girls have to flash you before you get to move on…..yea…you just read that and you can’t take it back….it was actually funny….most girls just show their sports bra’s….it is funny because Korean people are just so amused/confused/and scared at what we were doing….anyways the trail was about 5/6 miles long and the trail went in the most extreme places possible…..We had to climb up this steep hill with no paths or rope or anything…..all in all…it was pretty fun instead of water breaks they have beer breaks….but you can drink water! I could tell you more but then I would have to kill you…..

My balls really might start to glow in the dark....sick title...sorry about that

Well....I joined a gym last week. I joined with a buddy that lives close by. The gym is on the 6 and 7 floors of a tall building....pretty cool to look out while you exercise! Ok...so gyms in Korea are totally different!!!!! Why...I will tell you in the most hilarious way possible....(because that's how I roll...ummmm roll with butter...I want one.....ok back to gym) When you get off the elevator (ummm yea I take the elevator...it's almost 7 floors of stairs...don't think I am lazy...I just don't want to exercise until I am actually in the gym....insert a funny fat joke.) Ok so I am a fat ass and take the elevator...Well when I get off...(the elevator that is) awkward...sorry...I grab a towel, shorts, and shirt...yea I have to wear the clothes they provide!! It's nice because it's less laundry....I should tell you my laundry story...I am so ADD...one thing at a time....Ok so I grab all my stuff and go to locker room to change...I open the shorts and they have the underwear lining already built in....I thought to myself (What the hell...there is no way in hell I am sharing underwear with Korean guys ...hell I didn't even get dinner and I am already sharing underwear....) I was so grossed out...but anyways...I still sat on the bench for a few minutes trying to decide if I should use my own underwear and put the shorts over top (yea...I know...why would I need to even think about it....I don't know....sometimes I do stupid things....I just needed a minute to decide...give me a break..I am a little slow sometimes) So I asked my friend Jeff if he was keeping his underwear on...(I know that sounds like an awkward question....kind of personal when you don't know someone...and sometimes my jokes don't translate well to Canadian people..) He kept his on...so I followed his advice......so I am so excited...the gym!!!! We walk down and the personal trainer (which is a tiny little woman) weighs us and tells me I'm fat (not literally but Americans are just built bigger than Korean ppl...I saw the way she looked at me when I was on that scale.....) so I was totally surprised because then she starts to gives us free training...I thought it was cool until we start lifting weights and she puts 20 pounds for me to lift...I seriously laughed out loud.....I thought...really though...I could pick you up and throw you across this room...but I laughed and did what I was told....it was so funny to see me barely lifting any weights at all....I had a gym membership back in Texas and I have been lifting for the past half year...so I am not a total weak bag....So I laughed at every machine because I felt like a baby.....and then I realized that the shorts (with the built in Underwear) were giving me the biggest wedgie...I laughed because every 4 minutes I had to pick my wedgie...I hate things being crammed up my butt (I could totally make a gay joke right now...I will pass though) Anyways it was quite awkward having to pick at my ass so much....but I made it through...so as I left the gym....I was really wondering if I should just not wear underwear and then I thought....(could I get a STD from those shorts...then I started to freak myself out...lol...then I thought of my pervious blog title...My balls glow in the Dark...I thought karma is a Bitch sometimes....even though someone told her name was Kristen....is that even funny...oh well..I am leaving it. So I know that was toooo much info...but I can tell you would really like to know if I wear underwear at the gym....It's get worse the more you read...


Too much info....never....Awkward bathroom story...ok so I am minding my own business going pee in a urinal and there are many open urinals around me... this Old Little Korean guy (he comes up to my belly button almost) comes and stands right next me.....I thought oh great (while your down there) (short joke...I know I am a horrible person) lol......I could feel him blatantly staring at my junk...for those who don't know what junk is (it's penis) lol...I bet I just made someone feel uncomfortable because you just thought of a penis...sorry mom..no I'm not...maybe I should be though...ahahaha...but could you imagine my level of uncomfortableness when a short little old guy is staring at you while you try to pee....I mean if you have to look...just glance from the corner of your eye...don't turn your head like your an owl...I was thinking (I can see you) ....so I turned and looked at him so he would stop....that didn't work... he didn't stop looking.....next time I am just going to hand him a picture....it's like come on....if you must look then just take a peek..(if that's how you roll)....Ok...So I am just going to take this as flattery.....nothing really bothers me anymore...I think I am coming immune to feeling uncomfortable...because I just thought it was funny.....

I can't believe it's not butter

WOW! I can't believe I forgot to blog about this....yesterday I am sitting at my desk peacefully...not harming anyone. When my co-teacher says "We are going to lunch to eat MUD FISH. Is this ok?".....well I guess I don't have a choice.....I said MUD FISH....he laughed (like the devil would when he gets a soul) I thought oh S*** .....along with other things....A long time ago I was a picky eater...by long time ago I mean two weeks ago...holy cow...First of all I HATE fish....it makes me sick when I eat it...except Salmon..and a couple other fish....but anyway I said sure...this is ok.....thinking to myself (SCREW ME and if I throw up in the restaurant I will die)....He begins to explain what mud fish were...I almost threw up.....Watch the posted video....So we get to the restaurant and I am dreading every bit of this..actually it is kind of exciting...because I made a bet with myself....if I was going to throw up or not....I bet myself 5,000 won...about 5 dollars...I bet conservatively because I don't wont to loose 5 dollars.....So we sit down and they bring out the soup stuff and Soju.....I looked at Soju and thought I have to drink a whole bottle of that stuff....so we drank a few bottles of Soju and I began to eat my soup....holy cow...this is good...I thought...until my co-teacher turns to me and said...this is the same soup they put dog in...I almost threw up....wow...did you just tell me that..I was already having a hard time.....I though for a second that I was eating dog...my heart sank....I asked...this isn't dog is it? He laughed and said NO.....my heart perked backed up and I held my self together....all in all...I ate that Mud Fish like a champ!!! Go me....I think I can eat anything now....(that's what she said) I know......ok...two blogs in one day...pretty impressive...by the way....I felt so sick for the rest of the day....Mud Fish, Mud Fish you were yummy, now you upset my tummy....yea that's a poem/song...be impressed...(maybe if you sing chant it...it will make sense to you) Don't judge just try it... until we meet again

My balls glow in the dark!

Disclaimer--You might pee on the floor...not from laughing but from drinking to much water....what does that even mean?????? I don't know.... go look it up in the dictionary....lol...tell me what you find!

Shopping in Korea…..is kind of like going to the zoo. Sometimes you never know what the heck anything is…..other times your so astonished by all the animals, smells and freaky crap…..(stop). I don’t know where I am going with this….so I am stopping….anyways we went to Costco last week…speaking of overwhelming….I just get so overwhelmed…trying to figure what I want to buy…..is this meat?…what kind of meat….I hope it’s beef….do you think it’s beef….what if it’s dog….all of this is going through my mind….I felt so crazy…well sometimes I am crazy…..if this isn’t enough….I get the stare down from everyone….I think they’re thinking “Look at the weird American….what does he want… is he buying Dog?…..heheheheh” …I really felt insane….ppl were staring at me and I was talking to myself…...oh and if that isn’t enough….people just cough in your face…yea COUGH in MY FACE….this is normal here….I am teaching my students to COVER THEIR FREAKING MOUTHS WHEN THEY COUGH….ughhh…sorry for yelling…but that is how people get STD’s….I mean Swine Flu……ahahha….they wonder why everyone is sick all the time…well if you cover your mouth when something fly’s out of it …..then the world would be a better place…Yesterday, we were walking down the street and an old lady coughed in my face I screamed and covered my mouth…..Jerk…(I really wanted to think something else if you know what I mean)…..if they won’t cover their mouth…then I will cover mine…I swear if I get swine flu and die I will Hunt that old hag…….wow…I just got on a rant about that….now that it is off my chest I can tell you how great Korea is…lol…I really enjoy it so far!!!! Except for the coughing in my face all the time…and the staring/pointing…..I even had some boys point at me in the restroom while I was peeing….speaking of awkward….I told them to take a picture….the best thing about Korea is that you can say the most ridiculous things and no one will understand you….I LOVE IT!!!! I told the cab driver that my neighbor had AIDS….yea…it’s a inside joke….because when we first got here…they asked us if we had AIDS…first of all, if I had AIDS I wouldn’t be in Korea...2nd I gave AIDS up for lent…j/k …AIDS isn’t something to joke about…sorry Kevin Watson… j/k just because someone is gay doesn’t mean they have AIDS…you first have to get HIV…then it turns into AIDS..Ok….moving along……..


Sorry for waiting so long to blog! I have so much to write…ughhh……At Costco I bought a glow in the dark basketball, football, and soccer ball….glow in the dark!!! Every night when I turn my lights off it freaks me out!!! Then again I can always find my balls (that’s what she said)…I am so sorry you had to read that……
So two Saturdays ago I met up with my friend Kaju from Huntsville!!!!! She showed me around town and was the best host ever!! We saw a Play/show called Cookin’…it was awesome…..I don’t want elaborate so boo you.


Yesterday, we took the bus….my great idea was to jump off the bus running and screaming ….I was the only loon to follow through and looked pretty insane….it’s cool…. people think I am insane anyways….


Oh…yea my cell phone story…quite entertaining….Ok so I got a cell phone….good story…huh?...You just got screwed…..I know that’s what I felt like trying to get a cell phone ….I walked in to a random store and asked if they spoke English…of course they didn’t…boo….but the girl insisted that she could help….I thought…this is scary because in America they would bend me over backwards and screw me so hard my butt would bleed….(sorry for the graphic imagine…it felt necessary) …but seriously days of bleeding in Korea is no fun…I don’t know because I am not a girl….(way to soon) Ok so back to Cell phone…I found a good looking phone and they wrote down a price of 90,000 won….I made a ridiculous face and laughed….they marked it out…..and wrote 50,000 won….I maintained my poker face….which is a cute/innocent/honest face….(while thinking…I am going to get you before you get me sucker!!) So with my poker face …I asked questions in English and they looked puzzled…..they asked questions in Korean….I looked puzzled…..We sat for a while just talking back and forth while no one understood….we all looked puzzled….it is quite funny looking back now…. ….why did I sit there….I don’t know….I wanted a cell phone…finally the sales person called a translator…Thank you JESUS!!! So, I talked to the translator and told her everything I wanted….which was CHEAP CHEAP AND MORE CHEAP…..well cell service here is cheap anyways!!! We had to call the translator back about 4 times….finally after 3 hours of talking AT each other….I got a cell phone…..and as I sat there waiting…. the cell phone girl (that is what she will be called) wrote down her name and cell phone number and told me to come back Saturday at 7:00 pm….I said ok…Do I have to wait until Saturday to pick up my phone….she laughed and said no…I was so confused but said ok…she then gave me a free cell phone case and a plastic protector..and some other stuff….I thought to myself…awesome!!! Well, I asked again about why I needed to come back Saturday and she said yes…I was so confused…I had asked a question not a statement….darn…..so as I was walking away…I realized that is what time she must have gotten off….I realized I had a date for Saturday…..I was laughing so hard…(that’s what she said) but really that is funny….well I didn’t go because I stayed out until 10:30 am the morning of Saturday and slept until 6:30 pm….and forgot about the date……I probably would not have been charming anyway…..and plus what would we do….just stare at each other the whole time…we couldn’t have a conversation….lol….ok so that is my story…I promise to blog every Friday… Until my next adventure!

Serenade on el autobus

Disclaimer---Some might fall asleep while reading this blog....wow that really gets your attention....you probably don't want to read anymore....but my other blogs have been so interesting you can' t resist....I know...I am so irresistible...

So it's pretty much summer time here....so not a lot going on in the class room.....well there should never be too much going on in the classroom that is how one my friends got pregnant in high school....

So anyways...I went out last Friday to a foreigner club ....more like a lounge with good ole American music....it was quite entertaining....keeping me interested for the most part....I met a few whitey's (is it racist to call other white people ....white people?....I don't think so..so I will keep using the term white people...even though some people might think I am excluding black people...so for the purpose of the blog...all Westerners are white people..yes that even means I am calling black, Latino, and everyone in between white people.....I know your thinking that makes no sense...but it actually makes perfect sense....In America we are all one anyways....I know I just annoyed the hell out of more then half of my friends....who cares)

Ok so after the club....we grabbed some street food....(it is so fun to walk down the street and eat from street vendors....AWESOME!!! We then went to a Korean Karaoke...it was overwhelmingly entertaining.....maybe too much.... a little room with lights that will make you go blind if your in there longer then 20 minutes...and drunk people that think they are Micheal Jackson on steroids....j/k about that part....they were really good...but then again.....everyone sounds like a superstar after a couple of drinks....

I never think I have much to write....and then sit down and write a butt load of crap....some of it entertaining....some of it just garbage....who cares....you like it......

Listen to this...well don't listen because your reading...so read this...well you are...ok....I have the best neighbor ever!!!! Alexis..!!! Yesterday, I decided to clean my apartment...my floors were in desperate need of a good scrub....Alexis came over and got down on her hands and knees and mopped most of all my floor by hand!!!! Who would ever be lucky enough to have a neighbor that nice!!! She is awesome!! I felt so guilty ...so after the cleaning....we took the bus for the first time to a nearby city to play ultimate frisbee....We met up with other white people..which was a heck of a good time....(yea I just said that) afterward we had some drinks.....apparently Alexis had a bit to much wine...lol....so I had to be in charge of getting us home....scary Mary....

I was getting so frustrated because I had to pee so bad....and didn't know where we were going for a while....I finally recognized the way we came in and started to find the way back to the bus stop....but I still had to pee...so when in Rome...you just go on the street .....ahahahah.....now that I was relieved I could focus on getting to the bus stop.....so navigating with a Ms. Danna Drunk ...getting my mind all confused...because she was singing (screaming) the funniest songs on earth....and yelling that she wanted food from Paris baguette....it was quite distracting.....I stretched the truth to get her to focus on the bus stop....I told her that there was a Paris Baguette by the bus stop....I really thought there might be...they are everywhere....so she was excited to find the bus station.....we get to the bus station .....and she was so funny...because she called me out....and kept asking where the Paris Bag. was...ahahhahah....I told her it was on the bus.....she didn't believe me...I think she knows that I am full of crap most of the time...ahahahahhah


So we are waiting at the bus stop....looking for bus 3....so Alexis spots the bus and starts singing about the bus.....then sings about food...it was so funny...mean while all the Korean are staring at us......well they do that anyways...at least they have a reason to stare...lol....I am not used to being stared at....it creeps me out.....but maybe I should be flattered......ok so we get on bus 3 towards home........I am watching out the windows to make sure we get to our stop....we get half way home and see the Emart which is about a 10 minute walk from our apartment....all of a sudden the bus turns the other way...Alexis starts singing about turning left...(the way we needed to go) bahahahah.....now I am thinking ohhhh man...I have to pee again.....I start to look out the window and notice we are going back to where we started......oh man again...I realized that we were on the red bus 3....and we came to town on the green bus 3.....so we going in complete circles...which is never any good.... and Alexis was determined to just stay on the bus....she kept saying "We will get there eventually..." I knew that was not the case....I said I am getting off and she said I am staying on...I finally convinced her to get off when I said..oo Paris Baguette ....we finally got off the red evil bus.....meanwhile Alexis is obsessed with finding this Paris place.....so we finally catch the GREEN bus 3 back home...and live happy ever after.....I like taking the bus....now that I know which one to take.

I know...your exhausted after reading this...trying to figure out my language.....good for you.....go buy yourself something nice....and then ship it to me...ahahha....until I blog again

Remembrance--I can be serious

**Disclaimer—some might be overwhelmed with emotion…..just saying

Today I started to go through my Facebook photo’s and delete some because I hated the way I looked in them. All of a sudden I paused, because I ran across a picture of Maura and me.

For those who don’t know(do I even know you...if you don't know maura), Maura is my best friend who I have known since Middle school. We grew up together and went to the same University…we were both Music Majors and even roommates for 3 years….freshman year we lived in dorms but we were together basically the whole time so I say 4 years. Those four years were the best four years of my life. I had the pleasure of sharing the greatest memories of my life with Maura. There was never a dull moment ….we laughed all the time and always had great fun. We knew we could always count on each other no matter what …We knew things about each other that no one should ever know….. But cherished the honestly in our friendship…..
Our senior year at Sam Houston State University, Maura was diagnosed with Cancer….which sucked….it sucked really bad….I was shocked and wanted to wake up from a horrible nightmare…… I couldn’t fix this and I didn’t know what to do. ...all I could do was make her laugh…and I was darn good at that…She has the prettiest smile in the world so getting a laugh was worth it…..so this whole past year was a battle for her…and I just knew Maura would pull through and beat Cancer…..

As I started to decide what I wanted to do with my life….I resorted back to our life long dreams of traveling the world and teaching…..I had strayed the course thinking about going to grad school…but I came back around….and found a ESL jobs in Korea……it looked pretty awesome and I knew I could talk Maura into going to Korea……I would just push Korea…I knew I could persuade Maura ….it didn’t take much convincing she was hooked and wanted to go. …Maura had just started a new chemo treatment because the other treatment was too strong and was damaging her body….So I knew Maura could not leave in May when I needed to leave…I needed to start working right away ….. I decided that I would go in May and check things out and Maura and Kara would shoot for October….if she was done with chemo and everything was good then they would be off…..looking back I remember about 2 weeks before Maura was hospitalized….we went out and had a lot to drink and watched the Rockets beat Portland Trail blazers!!! She said “I know this new chemo is too good to be true because I can go out and have fun.”

The next month Maura was hospitalized and was diagnosed as terminal…there was nothing to be done….and Maura took her ultimate trip to heaven on May 19, 2009. It was so devastating…I remember hearing her take her last breath with Handel playing in the background….I was lost, confused, heartbroken, and yet decided to just push those feeling away and hide them…no one could ever know that I was upset for the most part….(I know it was stupid…everyone was upset) I decided that I would leave as soon as possible and continue on with the plan and get away from everything that reminded of Maura….the park we walked around…the schools we attended…I didn’t want to go back to Huntsville because all the memories were just too overwhelming…I even neglected some friends that reminded me of Maura ….I now realize that those places are terrific places to go.... they bring back GOOD memories of the wonderful times we spent together….it was just so much easier to say that I was ok and not deal with anything that was going on. Death is not something someone gets over in a day…it’s not breaking up with girlfriend or boyfriend….it’s a process and we all deal with death in different ways. I know my best friend is watching over me and I feel her around me. I just didn’t want to admit that she had died…. but I now know she is in heaven….the hardest times I had with Maura’s death was when I was spiritually second guessing myself. The devil gets us when we are down …but that is when we must fight back and kick his ass….and that is what I have done. It’s a battle with different things in everyone’s life…..we just have to fight through it!

Life is a challenge and how we accept that challenge is up to us…..we either prevail or fail…and I won’t fail...God doesn’t promise an easy walk….but he does promise eternal life…and that is what our journey eventually turns into…eternal happiness with our loved ones. I remember praying at the hospital that I was more than willing to die alongside my best friend and begged God for it…so she didn’t have to go through the process alone….looking back…that was definitely not God’s will….everyone has a journey and a path….our path’s can stray….but they always lead back to him….Thanks God

Anyways after I was going through the facebook photo’s I paused because I felt Maura around me! Maura told me she would haunt me… but you can’t be haunted by someone who wants to be haunted…..lol I feel like most of my family and friends didn’t want me to leave because they felt it was too soon and I hadn’t dealt with Maura’s death…I felt like I needed to write this blog to let everyone know that I am really ok now. I have God and my faith is stronger than ever! I love you all and I promise for my next bog to be about Korea! I bet I totally caught you by surprise with this bog entry!

Sorry about the preachy part…I usually don’t do that…ever.

Awkward sticks....

Disclaimer- My brain hurts...I am sick of thinking....so read this blog at your own risk....

I really love Korea! Culturally shocking at times but a fun ride... so far.

I had my medical check up and boy are the hospitals completely different. The hospital had about 7 different stations. Each station checked something different...1st station you pay for your check up. 2nd station they get your weight/height. 3rd station was an eye station. 4th station was ear check. 5th station was x-ray. 6th station was medical history station and 7th station was blood and urine station. It was crazy fast...I was in and out of the hospital in 15 minutes....No lines.. everyone just went from station to station...it was so fast and impressive.

After my medical check up, my school had a dinner party for me. It was awesome!! We went to a Korean restaurant and of course I made a fool of my self...like I do.

I try so hard...yet feel so stupid at times. So we sit on the floor Indian style (yes I know we are not suppose to use that word anymore because it is racist to Indian's...but I have Indian blood in me...so who cares) so I sat Indian style for almost 1 hour and half...speaking of uncomfortable...my legs kept falling asleep...

and the fun begins...Korea is different then the states because it is expected for peers to go out and drink with the boss....by drink I mean get plastered ....they keep filling my shot glass with a Korean liquor Soju...it was never ending. My principal passed out soju shots to everyone and never stopped....

My first shot...so my principal points at me to pick up my shot glass...so I picked it up with my left hand and I heard someone gasp...I almost peed myself...seriously. I looked at my co-teacher and he said only use your right hand....awkward turtle...but I am new ...so I didn't know any better...so I set it down and used my right hand but then I didn't know that you must also place your left hand under your right hand.....boy who makes these rules...I need Korean for Dummies...but it was ok because I am American...I hate that...I want to know everything right now....

So the dinner continues...I can barely use my chop sticks...and everyone is watching me...you know the look (oh, I feel so bad for this guy look at him)...I am getting pretty tipsy but don't want to be rude by not drinking....and as the night goes on my chop sticks skills become worse....My principal tells me to pick up a piece of lettuce and so I do...then he tells me to grab some meat... using my chop sticks which was so hard..and then motions to pick up more stuff which was even harder to pick up.....the stuff kept falling off my chopsticks...I am so white....I finally get everything on my lettuce wrap....

Then he points at my shot glass so he can fill it up with more soju....I sit down my lettuce wrap...so I can properly hold my shot glass...and I hear the table gasp...oh crap...I can't do anything right..apparently I shouldn't of put my lettuce wrap down.... he pours my shot and when I went to pick up my lettuce wrap....it all went tumbling in my lap....the whole table gasped again....I felt so stupid...but then everyone started to laugh...the principal...who was ready for his soju decided he would just use his chopsticks and fill my lettuce wrap back up...Thank God....because I already embarrassed myself enough...so we took the shot and he started stuffing this huge piece of lettuce wrap into his mouth...I thought...oh crap..I have to do this...so I crammed this huge lettuce wrap in my mouth...it was quite entertaining...everyone started clapping and I felt like I just accomplished something huge...

Well anyways after that my face starts to turn bright red...like it does...and everyone is staring...I felt so awkward because when I have anything to drink or get embarrassed I turn red...so after 5 minutes of sitting feeling awkward my co-teacher explains...that in Korean culture if someone turns red...it means they are a very trusting/honest person....I felt so relieved finally my annoying red face pays off.!!!! It was awesome because after the red face everyone seemed to start liking me more.

On the way out my co-teacher says "ok you know where you live from here?"..as he pointed in the direction...I said yes..not having a clue....I just started to walk away because I didn't want to be even more awkward and not have a clue of where I lived...so I walked the streets for awhile and eventually found something familiar....I was a little intoxicated thanks to my principal...and don't know how I made it home....just kidding mom...but really everyone else....it happened...I love Korea

Apartment video

Mudfest photo's!!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2177747&id=34401265&l=951b469707

Oh isn't he sooo cute.......

Sometimes I feel like a new puppy. Everyone likes to show you off because your so cute and adorable...yet you still pee and poop everywhere and have know ideal how to handle yourself. Yea that is what it is like....I am trying not to pee and poop everywhere but it is so hard...lol!

Everyday my school is showing me off to important people.....(I guess it is normal) ....Here is my new American puppy isn't he sooo cute..wanna hold him....I taught him to speak....." I love you in Korean."

Seriously I was just called into to the principal office and he was hosting someone important that actually spoke to me in English. My principal looks over at me and says "I love you" I knew that meant to say it in Korean....they laughed...and I felt like I deserved a treat for my first trick. ahaha but then I can' t eat all day because I must get a medical check up today...when someone tells you not to eat...that is all you think about...usually here I never think about food...there are way to many other things to think about...I don' t know why I can't eat...makes me think 'what are they going to me.' Tomorrow's blog could be fun. When the principal wanted me to leave he just swatted his hand toward the door...like he was letting me outside to play.... I find my travels here to be adventurous because I never know what is going to happen....but life is so much better that way!

Yesterday I went to the store which is still a bit overwhelming trying to figure out which is which....I just look at pictures on the items...I saw fresh clean clothes on a bottle and assumed it was laundry detergent. My assumption was correct....well by correct I mean my clothes smells nice and the washer didn't break. Of course I bought a lot of heavy items yesterday which was not smart because I had to haul them back in the pouring rain....when I got to my building I was so relieved but wanted to do it again...why because I worked the heck out of my biceps.....important lesson of the day...buy less groceries more often.

Yesterday one the boy students walked up to me and said " You so handsome" It was funny....I just barked and ran away...no I said thank you...what else do you say.

Until my next trick....bark bark

I'm singing in the rain what a beautiful feeling....Not so much!

*Disclaimer--this blog can contain adult content or maybe not..... but now your either anxious, excited or nervous to read any further.... Just where I want you to be....so go ahead and continue at your own risk.

I really hate writing my life out like this but I know I have lots of fans that love it so here it goes.....(lol...more like family members, stalkers, and debt collectors that want to find me to kill me j/k.. ..I really do pay my bills....(trying to be funny....I don't think it worked out so well..maybe it did....maybe it didn't..who will know)

Too much rain...yesterday I tried to play Korean Basketball...it is pretty much the same thing as American basketball...but you play in Korea...ahaha but the rain was too much. So I met up with people to play Ultimate Frisbee which was good fun. My first time but I was getting the hang of it! (that's what she said) wow do I really need to say that every blog....yes I do.

I rode the subway yesterday...and only got a bit lost. I thought the subway would be underground so I went underground only to find an endless amount of stores...I was starting to panic because I felt so lost. (Like when your little and you loose your mom at the grocery store and start to cry.....come on it happens to everyone...it happened to me just before I left America.....awkward....I am a Moma's boy) I hope people don't feel stupider by reading my blog....oh well...I don't care...yes I do..don't tell me that. Where was I ...there I am...yesterday I had this soy milk soup which was cold.....it freaked me out because I expected to be hot (I even blew on it) and then when I put it in my mouth it was cold (I thought for a sec. oh Crap, I didn't blow that hard did I...then I realized it was supposed to be cold) it tasted ok...it was just a weird feeling in my mouth....yes I know there were lots of moments in this paragraph for that's what she said....insert them yourself!

Wait I didn't finish the subway....I can' t help if you can' t keep up....lol...some of you are going to be so confused you will have to read this like 10 times...others will get it the first time...(you know how I roll) So...I was so lost in the subway...finally after walking around the underground shops for 15 minutes...I look up and see a train sign! I was so amused that I thought of looking up(most people would just look up when they started walking...I'm not most people) So I follow the signs out of the underground and find myself in a huge terminal for the subway.....it was massive like the size of Tiffany's head compared to her body ( we have the same head size...so it is cool) I figured out where I needed to go... and made it to the b-ball courts...only to get rained on right when I got there! I just laughed and made my way to Frisbee.....

I love the fact that I can still be awkwardly inappropriate even online. After I just re-read this, I thought what a sucky English teacher...then it feels good sometimes to use incorrect grammar and ....'s it just feels so wrong that it feels so good..... until next time