I went shampoo shopping yesterday. I know, how freaking exciting!!! Sorry mom, you hate the freaking word…but at least I didn’t say the bad word that starts with f and sounds like yuck. Sorry Jesus, everyone that reads this blog is going to think of a bad word and I feel like it’s my fault….but really is it my fault that people are mentally sick and think of curse words…I say NO…well maybe in this one tiny case it is…but I love you. (Did everyone just have a moment with Jesus like me?) I know I grabbed your interest with that shampoo sentence…(insert sarcasm) I probably did grab your attention though…well if you know me…and you do…then you know I am NOT going to talk about shampoo. Well, I tricked you. I am going to talk a little bit about shampoo…I hope I didn’t lose your interest like that Korean girl lost her innocence last night (TOTAL JOKE MOM…ahahha…maybe not so funny to you, but anyways who cares?....j/k I totally care…but really…no really mom, I care…do I? I guess you will never know) I knew you would keep reading…ha ha(from the Simpsons)
Ok, you’re thinking get to the darn point already…but it is so fun…you have already wasted 1-2 minutes of your life (5-10 min if you’re from Texas….j/k) (Encase you didn’t get that joke…I was calling Texas people SLOW….goodness, keep up y’all) by the way you will never ever get back the time you wasted reading this. Okay, but really. I went shampoo shopping yesterday. You’re thinking, “You’ve said that DAMIT” I know…I was just reminding you. (gosh) So, It took me 56 minutes and 22 seconds to find the perfect shampoo. You’re thinking "how in the hell did it take him that long. I know he is special but not that special." I’m thinking "Ass." Well, first of all the little Korean elf’s move everything during the night. No joke, I will go shopping for a specific item one week and find it. The next week it is gone. At first I thought I was going crazier…but then I started to remember where I left my jacket and went back to the place I left it but the jacket was gone. What the hell, I just changed stories…p.s. I lost my jacket somewhere and can’t find it.
Back to the store story…I left my jacket somewhere, so if you see it let me know…seriously back to the store. The store sucks, every week the Korean elf’s move stuff around. I call them Korean elf’s…they are more like tiny Korean women with big ears…see, now you know why they are elf’s….P.S. I love elf’s and this is in no way intended to offend elf’s. I’m not talking about 1 or 2 items; I am talking about everything item in the whole dam thing. I meant to write Darn but wrote dam…at least I didn’t say Damn. Is Damn even a bad word?...at this point you probably don’t care…moving on... Seriously, I lost my Jacket. You’re thinking "Focus Matt"…I’m thinking "it’s so hard" She’s thinking "That’s WHAT I SAID" OMG……where was I? ADD…which also stands for multiplication ....which I can barely spell…..j/k I am an English teacher.... We will get in a chat about ADDING later. Where was I…..the store…So, since they move every single ITEM…it’s like the first time every time ......ummm….do I need to take time to joke? NO time just focus. I finally found the shampoo after being distracted for 45 minutes and 1 sec by other things…..OKAY, I was distracted by the candy…..it all looked so good but I knew if I bought one it would taste like crap. I have been disappointed so many times by Korean candy it makes me sad. Now I’m happy..mood swing ....I know how my Mom feels when she went through Menopause…well, not really, but maybe a little? She did eat a lot of chocolate…when I say a lot…I mean A LOT. She is going to kill me the next time she sees me…good thing I have a whole year. Oh man, I forgot what I was talking about. I am going to have to read this whole thing just to figure it out…I wish you were here so you could tell me. I pondered not going back to the beginning and just starting a new story…but you have already dedicated so much to reading this….. Okay give me 15 minutes (I am from Texas) Wow…I wrote a lot of crap…when I say crap I mean CRAP…I feel bad you had to read that. I’m not sorry though. So after the candy…I found the shampoo…(to wrap this up quickly…((That’s what she said…)) (((and yes I just used (( ))and ((( ))). ) The shampoo I found reminded me of my sisters…. Yeah, all four of them at once. This is not meant to be perverted but I know a lot of SICK people out there…and by sick…I mean really sick. So, I bought the shampoo that reminded me of them. Because smelling it made me home sick ….stupid shampoo. So, I used it today and now I smell like my sisters…..ummmm that is not a good thing…well I could smell worse. Who cares if I smell like a girl!!!! At least I smell clean. I liked how I wrapped that up. Next time, I will not have a cup of wine before I write my blog. I just wrote start from my brain without going back…I hope I didn’t sound to dumb…good lord.
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Did you measure out 1 cup exactly, just like you measured the exact time it took you to shop for shampoo?? I think you were more generous with the wine. It's your artistic fuel! ;)
ReplyDeleteI can so-o-o-o tell how homesick you are.
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