Remembrance--I can be serious

**Disclaimer—some might be overwhelmed with emotion…..just saying

Today I started to go through my Facebook photo’s and delete some because I hated the way I looked in them. All of a sudden I paused, because I ran across a picture of Maura and me.

For those who don’t know(do I even know you...if you don't know maura), Maura is my best friend who I have known since Middle school. We grew up together and went to the same University…we were both Music Majors and even roommates for 3 years….freshman year we lived in dorms but we were together basically the whole time so I say 4 years. Those four years were the best four years of my life. I had the pleasure of sharing the greatest memories of my life with Maura. There was never a dull moment ….we laughed all the time and always had great fun. We knew we could always count on each other no matter what …We knew things about each other that no one should ever know….. But cherished the honestly in our friendship…..
Our senior year at Sam Houston State University, Maura was diagnosed with Cancer….which sucked….it sucked really bad….I was shocked and wanted to wake up from a horrible nightmare…… I couldn’t fix this and I didn’t know what to do. ...all I could do was make her laugh…and I was darn good at that…She has the prettiest smile in the world so getting a laugh was worth it…..so this whole past year was a battle for her…and I just knew Maura would pull through and beat Cancer…..

As I started to decide what I wanted to do with my life….I resorted back to our life long dreams of traveling the world and teaching…..I had strayed the course thinking about going to grad school…but I came back around….and found a ESL jobs in Korea……it looked pretty awesome and I knew I could talk Maura into going to Korea……I would just push Korea…I knew I could persuade Maura ….it didn’t take much convincing she was hooked and wanted to go. …Maura had just started a new chemo treatment because the other treatment was too strong and was damaging her body….So I knew Maura could not leave in May when I needed to leave…I needed to start working right away ….. I decided that I would go in May and check things out and Maura and Kara would shoot for October….if she was done with chemo and everything was good then they would be off…..looking back I remember about 2 weeks before Maura was hospitalized….we went out and had a lot to drink and watched the Rockets beat Portland Trail blazers!!! She said “I know this new chemo is too good to be true because I can go out and have fun.”

The next month Maura was hospitalized and was diagnosed as terminal…there was nothing to be done….and Maura took her ultimate trip to heaven on May 19, 2009. It was so devastating…I remember hearing her take her last breath with Handel playing in the background….I was lost, confused, heartbroken, and yet decided to just push those feeling away and hide them…no one could ever know that I was upset for the most part….(I know it was stupid…everyone was upset) I decided that I would leave as soon as possible and continue on with the plan and get away from everything that reminded of Maura….the park we walked around…the schools we attended…I didn’t want to go back to Huntsville because all the memories were just too overwhelming…I even neglected some friends that reminded me of Maura ….I now realize that those places are terrific places to go.... they bring back GOOD memories of the wonderful times we spent together….it was just so much easier to say that I was ok and not deal with anything that was going on. Death is not something someone gets over in a day…it’s not breaking up with girlfriend or boyfriend….it’s a process and we all deal with death in different ways. I know my best friend is watching over me and I feel her around me. I just didn’t want to admit that she had died…. but I now know she is in heaven….the hardest times I had with Maura’s death was when I was spiritually second guessing myself. The devil gets us when we are down …but that is when we must fight back and kick his ass….and that is what I have done. It’s a battle with different things in everyone’s life…..we just have to fight through it!

Life is a challenge and how we accept that challenge is up to us…..we either prevail or fail…and I won’t fail...God doesn’t promise an easy walk….but he does promise eternal life…and that is what our journey eventually turns into…eternal happiness with our loved ones. I remember praying at the hospital that I was more than willing to die alongside my best friend and begged God for it…so she didn’t have to go through the process alone….looking back…that was definitely not God’s will….everyone has a journey and a path….our path’s can stray….but they always lead back to him….Thanks God

Anyways after I was going through the facebook photo’s I paused because I felt Maura around me! Maura told me she would haunt me… but you can’t be haunted by someone who wants to be haunted…..lol I feel like most of my family and friends didn’t want me to leave because they felt it was too soon and I hadn’t dealt with Maura’s death…I felt like I needed to write this blog to let everyone know that I am really ok now. I have God and my faith is stronger than ever! I love you all and I promise for my next bog to be about Korea! I bet I totally caught you by surprise with this bog entry!

Sorry about the preachy part…I usually don’t do that…ever.