Fire me? What? You be cRaZy!

Disclaimer--I didn't feel like correcting my grammar mistakes so please don't email me corrections and expect me to fix them...thanks...muah...is that even a disclaimer?


10 reasons why I would get fired.

1. -Called an Asian student a monkey. The student was seriously acting like a monkey and I said “Monkey, stop.” The monkey…I mean student…looked at me and we had a good laugh.

2. --I scared a special needs student. This girl was sleeping during my Halloween lesson. I thought ‘what better way to show the spirit of Halloween then scaring someone to death.’ I snuck up on her like a mouse and shook her arms and yelled at the top of my lungs. The girl woke up in a panic….after class my co-teacher told me that she was a special needs student. You would think I would get a memo about special needs student in my class. No ARD meetings or lists of students that American schools would handout. Gosh, I felt like a huge ass once again.

3. --Told a student he sucked in the middle of class and all the kids started saying “you suck.” I stopped the class fast and said “Don’t say that….only teachers can say that.” Thank God they bought my explanation of only grownups can say certain things.

4. --A girl was looking at a magazine while she was supposed to be working on a writing assignment. I collected the magazine and began looking through it. I didn’t have anything else to do…I started laughing and asked the class if a famous male role model was gay. They laughed and said “NOOOO.” Then I asked the class if they knew what gay meant. They laughed again and said “yeah.” I paused and realized that probably isn’t an appropriate topic for English class. Korea doesn’t have gay. Gay people do not exist here.

5. --Chat on facebook all day at work. I have a lot of down time. I teach four hours and then have nothing else to do. I look at it as working because I am practicing my English skills when I chat to my friends…..

6. --I asked the English intern if boys slept over at her house…..I know it sounds inappropriate but it was not suppose to be. I blame English-Korean translation. She still lives with her parents because it is common for single people to live with family until they marry. I was curious if she ever brought boyfriends home and they spent the night. I was in NOOO way trying to ask her if I could come over and sleep with her….omg….I am such a moron….I think she got the wrong impression because she turned red and it looked like she wanted to run away…..and then I turned red and wanted to run away. Don’t worry I fixed conversation with another awkward comment…continue on to reason number 7.

7. --I asked the English intern if she shaved her nipples…yeah, I was trying to leave an awkward conversation and what happens…I go and make it even more awkward. She had little band aids all over her neck area and I thought maybe she shaved her neck and throat area…yeah, like a man. I meant to ask neck but said nipples……oh lord. Good thing she is a diehard Christian because she needed to go pray after talking with me.

8. --I screw up Korean names all the time…so my solution is listen to how they pronounce their names and then turn their name into something really funny……few names I have made up so far are: King Kong(kin kong), Jesu (hei su), Amen (ha min), easy in (Lee si lin)…yeah, my classes get a kick out of this….I usually try to make the names ridiculous.

9. --I sweat a lot. I climb a freaking mountain to get to school. Of course I am going to sweat. Every morning I have sweat rolling down my face and the English interns say “Wow, you are so sweaty.” And every morning I say… “I know…..I climb up a freaking mountain….and Korean people don’t sweat.” You would think that conversation would get old…but no…I can’t wait until tomorrow morning.

10. I went to lunch with some of the young English interns and I love joking around and messing with people. One of the girls asked to look at my palm…I know, weird huh?....anyways I asked if she could read palms too? …..I can’t read palms…she was so amazed that I could read palms….I took her palm and told her all of this hocus pocus bull crap and she believed me! Seriously though, I was laughing when I told all of that bull crap…I think I told her that she would fall in love and he would break her heart…then she would marry a man she didn’t love…blah blah blah…then I think I said… something about being unhappy the rest of her life…and more crap….anyways she came to school the next day and was telling people I could read palms….ha ha…I said “NO.” I was just kidding…..so now everyone thinks I'm a witch or something….def. should fire a witch.



10 reasons I would never get fired.

1. You can’t fire a witch…they will put a curse on you and torture you.

2. Way to handsome to get fired….shut up Kristen. I wish I could slap you over the internet…j/k but really… I love you…..

3. Everyone loves me. The teacher before me was really bad and boring. Everyone bends over backwards for me here….if you know what I mean…oooo…sorry I was not trying to make that a perverted joke, it just happened.

4. I am punctual. Have I ever been late? I hate people that are late. I guess growing up with 5 women, who were always late to EVERYTHING has made me anal with time. Seriously though, women take forever to get ready….I think it takes my Mom 2 hours just to fix her hair…..I heart big Texas HAIR! Miss ya mommy.

5. I always smell nice….Well nice and sweaty that is. Seriously, most days I take 3 or 4 showers….I know let me explain. When I wake up…I must shower or I am not helpful to anyone. After school I usually shower…I get home and I am sweaty and smell like nasty little children……I shower at the gym. That’s 3 showers….I also have to shower if I take a nap…or my brain is completely wasted.

6. I am funny. You can’t fire the funny guy.

7. They spent a lot of money to get me here. It would be a waste.

8. In Korea, I am actually tall. They love tall people. Can you tell I am running low on excuses to not fire me…..

9. My students love me….they chant my name out the windows when I walk to lunch…who could fire a celebrity? Well maybe Donald Trump…good thing he isn’t my boss.

10. You always need that one person who can break the ice with awkward conversation……that’s the best I got…I should have started with 10 reasons I would never get fired.

I found it a lot harder (that's what she said) to write 10 reasons to not fire me......that makes me sad.....but not to sad...Love you all!