I feel so happy, I could sing. Well even if I did sing you couldn't hear me....well I could record it and upload it...but then you would be really annoyed that you had to listen to "Mary had a little lamb."
A couple weeks ago I was on the bus when all of a sudden the bus driver stomps on his brakes....(Jerk) and I fall on a mid-aged lady....I panicked and said one of the only phrases I know in Korean...which was thank you. Awkward. I fall(pretty much violate) a lady and then say "Thank you." It was so awkward....I ran to the back of the bus as fast as I could. You should have seen her face...she looked like she wanted to slap me...but I did get a smile when I said "Thank you." Good thing she had big boobs because that broke my fall.
Everywhere I walk people are always looking...I am used to it now. I actually kind of enjoy it. The other day I was strolling along and this older lady didn't even look at me. I was so annoyed. Really though, look at me. I thought am I not good enough for you. So I walked down the street and turned around. Darn it, she is going to look even if I have to make her. LOL...I am just kidding but I do expect people to look at me when I walk by. Don't they know who their in the presence of.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Get the hell out of my way!
Disclaimer--This blog is from my dark side.....it's good to let it out sometimes.
I am really annoyed today! Let me explain. It all started yesterday (Sunday!) I had a bit to drink on Saturday night and made it home by 7:30 am. Okay, so I stayed out really late (or early for that matter) I woke up at 1:47 pm on Sunday and needed to make lesson plans, clean, do laundry and go grocery shopping. Not a big deal right? Wrong….Every SUNDAY I tell myself “Don’t go to Emart on the weekend.” (yeah, that’s me talking to myself) But…do I ever listen when someone tells me not to do something...of course not…I don’t even listen to myself. I was already in a cranky mood before I left…(who knows why….well some people might know..lol) Emart was packed…everyone and their momma was there. Emart has tiny aisles. What do you get when you have tiny aisle and 1 million people? HELL…that’s it. Everyone kept hitting me with their carts and bumping into me. I bet I impregnated at least 100 women because they bumped into my balls non-stop.
No one told me to wear a cup to the grocery store. I was so annoyed because people were going nuts over the samples….they would leave their cart in the middle of the aisle and run over children for a free sample. How could you knock over children for free food...you're not even going to buy it anyways...some people just disgust me. Get in my head…. “Fat ass move your basket out of the way. Didn’t your momma teach you manners.” Get out of my head. Yeah, I actually said that because most people don’t understand what I say anyway. I know my mom taught me not to cuss but she still cusses…..so if she can contradict herself…so can I. ….So people just stand and look so confused…they won’t get out of the way…it is extremely frustrating…..one point Alexis (my friend who went with me) was just standing in the middle of the aisle and she looked confused …I said “Come on, you look Korean.” ....When Korean people stand in the way looking like they are trying to solve a math problem…I have the urge to slap them. I guess I ran out of patience. The highlight was when I got hit in the nuts by a basket….yeah, I yelled “Excuse YOU.” Everyone thinks it is okay to shove people out of the way….I got pushed and shoved nonstop. I was getting so ANGRY because I don’t like pushing strangers. Alexis was funny…she said numerous times “You look so angry.” Well if people kept touching you (not in a good way) you would probably get angry too. I might have yelled a couple times but that is ok…it’s better to yell than throw a can good at someone. I am usually not a violent person but I just had so much anger…I blame my mom…she has a bad temper and it came from her. I finally left the store and I will definitely not go to emart on the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am really annoyed today! Let me explain. It all started yesterday (Sunday!) I had a bit to drink on Saturday night and made it home by 7:30 am. Okay, so I stayed out really late (or early for that matter) I woke up at 1:47 pm on Sunday and needed to make lesson plans, clean, do laundry and go grocery shopping. Not a big deal right? Wrong….Every SUNDAY I tell myself “Don’t go to Emart on the weekend.” (yeah, that’s me talking to myself) But…do I ever listen when someone tells me not to do something...of course not…I don’t even listen to myself. I was already in a cranky mood before I left…(who knows why….well some people might know..lol) Emart was packed…everyone and their momma was there. Emart has tiny aisles. What do you get when you have tiny aisle and 1 million people? HELL…that’s it. Everyone kept hitting me with their carts and bumping into me. I bet I impregnated at least 100 women because they bumped into my balls non-stop.
No one told me to wear a cup to the grocery store. I was so annoyed because people were going nuts over the samples….they would leave their cart in the middle of the aisle and run over children for a free sample. How could you knock over children for free food...you're not even going to buy it anyways...some people just disgust me. Get in my head…. “Fat ass move your basket out of the way. Didn’t your momma teach you manners.” Get out of my head. Yeah, I actually said that because most people don’t understand what I say anyway. I know my mom taught me not to cuss but she still cusses…..so if she can contradict herself…so can I. ….So people just stand and look so confused…they won’t get out of the way…it is extremely frustrating…..one point Alexis (my friend who went with me) was just standing in the middle of the aisle and she looked confused …I said “Come on, you look Korean.” ....When Korean people stand in the way looking like they are trying to solve a math problem…I have the urge to slap them. I guess I ran out of patience. The highlight was when I got hit in the nuts by a basket….yeah, I yelled “Excuse YOU.” Everyone thinks it is okay to shove people out of the way….I got pushed and shoved nonstop. I was getting so ANGRY because I don’t like pushing strangers. Alexis was funny…she said numerous times “You look so angry.” Well if people kept touching you (not in a good way) you would probably get angry too. I might have yelled a couple times but that is ok…it’s better to yell than throw a can good at someone. I am usually not a violent person but I just had so much anger…I blame my mom…she has a bad temper and it came from her. I finally left the store and I will definitely not go to emart on the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Scrub, Scrub, Scrub....pause.
Disclaimer this blog may contain material inappropriate for children and may/will stereotype people for humor sake. Seriously though…okay, read it you scardy cat.
Personal space, can I have some. Please back up off of my nuts. Wow. Yeah, you just read that. I am so glad I got that off of my chest. Let me explain. Everything is not bigger in Korea (Texas joke, kind of lame) everything and everyone is stacked on top of each other. I know, awkward! I will continue on about personal space in the locker-room. Oh no, some of you might want to look away. By look away I mean not read any more of my blog. I know you’re just so amused with me that you must keep reading, even if you are offended. Ok, so you’re thinking this better be good because I just wasted 1 minute of my time opening up a webpage to read this crap.
Okay, here we go. I joined a gym a couple weeks ago and I was really hesitant about taking a shower. (at the gym of course) Why, you might ask. First of all the locker room is not big at all…(that’s what she said…wait…does that work….maybe, you decide and tell someone who cares…I care, so tell me..Back to the story…is it a story?) and it is jammed packed with Korean guys. So tiny room with tiny naked people, kind of freaks me out (I feel like I am in Ireland with leprecons…yeah even with rainbows). Guys are blow drying their tiny balls and standing in the mirror NAKED checking themselves out. (What is their to check out? Really though? Don’t be offended yet.) So, the gym has a dress code. When I walk in, I grab shorts, shirt, and a towel. Well I bring my own shorts because the gym shorts ride my crack and I hate that feeling. (I don’ t live in Montrose) The towel they provide is smaller than a hand towel…..yea, picture me trying to dry off with a hand towel. (You are so disgusting, picturing me naked…I feel so violated.)
Where was I…I have so much ADD sometimes…not mathematic skills…oh, never mind. I grab my shorts, shirt, and towel and head for the locker room and while I’m trying to change, naked guys accidentally graze me…it is so disgusting but so not weird to them…so I just have to get over my phobia of naked men grazing me while I change…..(WHAT? Insert your own gay joke) yea when in Rome. So yesterday, I had a great workout and was extremely sweaty. I decided that I would rinse off because there were only like 6 guys in the locker room. So I grab my HAND towel and head to the shower. I was taking a shower, thinking of a random song (I will always love you Dolly Parton…I know, the gayest song to think in the shower…well, at least I didn’t sing it in the shower.) I was standing thinking of my song and I grab the bar of soap and start scrubbing my body….so, I am scrubbing away and then I pause. Why did I pause? Go Inside my brain “I didn’t bring this bar of soap to the gym….whose soap is this?....I am going to get an STD from this…oh, crap…what if they have herpes…can I get herpes from using strangers soap?” Get out of my brain….Disgusting. I used community soap on my body. You’re probably asking yourself “Did he use it on his face?” I don’t have to answer that. I was so disgusted….I think that is nasty to use a bar of soap that someone else used. Anyways, I got out of the shower and felt like a giant because here I am with this tiny little towel. I couldn’t even completely dry off with the towel. Anyways it was funny. I love Korea because random crap happens all the time. Until I offend you again.
Personal space, can I have some. Please back up off of my nuts. Wow. Yeah, you just read that. I am so glad I got that off of my chest. Let me explain. Everything is not bigger in Korea (Texas joke, kind of lame) everything and everyone is stacked on top of each other. I know, awkward! I will continue on about personal space in the locker-room. Oh no, some of you might want to look away. By look away I mean not read any more of my blog. I know you’re just so amused with me that you must keep reading, even if you are offended. Ok, so you’re thinking this better be good because I just wasted 1 minute of my time opening up a webpage to read this crap.
Okay, here we go. I joined a gym a couple weeks ago and I was really hesitant about taking a shower. (at the gym of course) Why, you might ask. First of all the locker room is not big at all…(that’s what she said…wait…does that work….maybe, you decide and tell someone who cares…I care, so tell me..Back to the story…is it a story?) and it is jammed packed with Korean guys. So tiny room with tiny naked people, kind of freaks me out (I feel like I am in Ireland with leprecons…yeah even with rainbows). Guys are blow drying their tiny balls and standing in the mirror NAKED checking themselves out. (What is their to check out? Really though? Don’t be offended yet.) So, the gym has a dress code. When I walk in, I grab shorts, shirt, and a towel. Well I bring my own shorts because the gym shorts ride my crack and I hate that feeling. (I don’ t live in Montrose) The towel they provide is smaller than a hand towel…..yea, picture me trying to dry off with a hand towel. (You are so disgusting, picturing me naked…I feel so violated.)
Where was I…I have so much ADD sometimes…not mathematic skills…oh, never mind. I grab my shorts, shirt, and towel and head for the locker room and while I’m trying to change, naked guys accidentally graze me…it is so disgusting but so not weird to them…so I just have to get over my phobia of naked men grazing me while I change…..(WHAT? Insert your own gay joke) yea when in Rome. So yesterday, I had a great workout and was extremely sweaty. I decided that I would rinse off because there were only like 6 guys in the locker room. So I grab my HAND towel and head to the shower. I was taking a shower, thinking of a random song (I will always love you Dolly Parton…I know, the gayest song to think in the shower…well, at least I didn’t sing it in the shower.) I was standing thinking of my song and I grab the bar of soap and start scrubbing my body….so, I am scrubbing away and then I pause. Why did I pause? Go Inside my brain “I didn’t bring this bar of soap to the gym….whose soap is this?....I am going to get an STD from this…oh, crap…what if they have herpes…can I get herpes from using strangers soap?” Get out of my brain….Disgusting. I used community soap on my body. You’re probably asking yourself “Did he use it on his face?” I don’t have to answer that. I was so disgusted….I think that is nasty to use a bar of soap that someone else used. Anyways, I got out of the shower and felt like a giant because here I am with this tiny little towel. I couldn’t even completely dry off with the towel. Anyways it was funny. I love Korea because random crap happens all the time. Until I offend you again.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I don't want to touch your weenie!
Disclaimer- You might feel sick after reading this. After reading my title your probably a bit hesitate about reading my blog. Don't be, you will survive!
Okay, so at lunch the other day I ate a long cold weenie. It was so disgusting but one of the other teachers stood next me and said “This is the first time to serve this meat, you will love it.” So, he stood over me while I ate this horribly disgusting weenie…..I thought to myself “I am not a fan of your weenie”…I laughed and almost chocked to death and then swallowed every bite of my weenie “Insert dirty joke, if you’re a sicko”….I really like typing weenie because every time I type weenie I say it in my head and it makes me laugh….weenie. I am such a little kid sometimes….but come on, you had to laugh because your thinking of weenies now. I just had a horrible flash back of my lunch….so I had a weenie (that doesn’t make me gay) and some fish stick soup….yea the soup tasted like fish sticks…..I secretly liked it…not the weenie but the soup. My mom told me on the phone “You are going to be so glad when you come home.” I said “No, I love lunch time! It’s like an adventure! You never know what you will have to swallow!” (cough cough) I love how weird and interesting lunch hour is!
Teaching story! I love teaching the smart kids!!! They are book smart but they cannot act/perform. I had the student’s perform a short two person script. They were reading like robots, so I told them “stop being so square.” Everyone looked at me really puzzled!! It was awesome! I drew a box on the board and said “square.” They laughed but I knew they didn’t know what square meant. So I finally got my point across and they understood the joke. Since everyone thinks I am dramatic, (I really don’t think so but someone told me I was….so I began to ask my friends/family….All I can say is don’t ask if you don’ t want to know) I decided that I would show the students how to act! So I gave a performance of a lifetime!!! I really got into my performance!! It’s been awhile but it is just like riding a bike! There are two characters in the story. One is a girl and the other is a boy…..So I used my high pitch voice for a girl and my deep voice for a guy. (yes, I have a deep voice somewhere down there….jerks) The girl in the story has a lot of attitude….so I went extremely overboard with the attitude/acting! When I finished the class gave me a standing ovation!! Really though….that deserves a standing ovation….then I realized…yeah, it was pretty darn good. I never laughed so hard! It was like I had just won an Oscar! My co-teacher says “That was amazing, I am so jealous. Can all American’s do this?” My response “No, you’re very lucky.”…ahahah…I said “Well I have a lot of experience with performing.” (I thought this is a great time for ‘that’s what she said’ but passed it up. My teacher was so impressed and I thought to myself ‘She is easily impressed, tomorrow I will do a card trick’ (but then again most people in the world are square) I then asked my student’s to perform just like me……well…they tried. That is all I can ask…..poor little squares….one day you might turn into a circle but you will still be a shape. (What does that mean?)
Okay, so at lunch the other day I ate a long cold weenie. It was so disgusting but one of the other teachers stood next me and said “This is the first time to serve this meat, you will love it.” So, he stood over me while I ate this horribly disgusting weenie…..I thought to myself “I am not a fan of your weenie”…I laughed and almost chocked to death and then swallowed every bite of my weenie “Insert dirty joke, if you’re a sicko”….I really like typing weenie because every time I type weenie I say it in my head and it makes me laugh….weenie. I am such a little kid sometimes….but come on, you had to laugh because your thinking of weenies now. I just had a horrible flash back of my lunch….so I had a weenie (that doesn’t make me gay) and some fish stick soup….yea the soup tasted like fish sticks…..I secretly liked it…not the weenie but the soup. My mom told me on the phone “You are going to be so glad when you come home.” I said “No, I love lunch time! It’s like an adventure! You never know what you will have to swallow!” (cough cough) I love how weird and interesting lunch hour is!
Teaching story! I love teaching the smart kids!!! They are book smart but they cannot act/perform. I had the student’s perform a short two person script. They were reading like robots, so I told them “stop being so square.” Everyone looked at me really puzzled!! It was awesome! I drew a box on the board and said “square.” They laughed but I knew they didn’t know what square meant. So I finally got my point across and they understood the joke. Since everyone thinks I am dramatic, (I really don’t think so but someone told me I was….so I began to ask my friends/family….All I can say is don’t ask if you don’ t want to know) I decided that I would show the students how to act! So I gave a performance of a lifetime!!! I really got into my performance!! It’s been awhile but it is just like riding a bike! There are two characters in the story. One is a girl and the other is a boy…..So I used my high pitch voice for a girl and my deep voice for a guy. (yes, I have a deep voice somewhere down there….jerks) The girl in the story has a lot of attitude….so I went extremely overboard with the attitude/acting! When I finished the class gave me a standing ovation!! Really though….that deserves a standing ovation….then I realized…yeah, it was pretty darn good. I never laughed so hard! It was like I had just won an Oscar! My co-teacher says “That was amazing, I am so jealous. Can all American’s do this?” My response “No, you’re very lucky.”…ahahah…I said “Well I have a lot of experience with performing.” (I thought this is a great time for ‘that’s what she said’ but passed it up. My teacher was so impressed and I thought to myself ‘She is easily impressed, tomorrow I will do a card trick’ (but then again most people in the world are square) I then asked my student’s to perform just like me……well…they tried. That is all I can ask…..poor little squares….one day you might turn into a circle but you will still be a shape. (What does that mean?)
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