Sorry it has been two weeks since my last blog. I have been keeping busy doing random things. I write my blogs during work because I have a lot of downtime but the past two weeks I have been busy grading essays. I have graded over 150 papers. That doesn’t sound like a lot but most of my students do not make any sense when they write and it can take me 5-10 minutes to fix an essay. I actually secretly enjoy grading them because it keeps me busy.
All of the teachers at my middle school share one big office, so there are 40 + teachers in one office. I feel like everyone is always watching me, probably because they are. I sit by the English interns so I have four girls that surround me. They are so much fun; they tell me I talk too much and that I embarrass them. They are so worried what the other teachers think. I don’t care if people think I’m crazy….how do I embarrass them? Well, I play music through my head phones and accidentally sing along. I like to dance and try to get them to dance with me. I refuse to sit still at my desk the whole day. I get so bored and just start playing around. I am always making jokes and asking inappropriate questions. Actually, I just made a joke about them being racist. I actually thought about it for a second and realized that I am actually discriminated against sometimes. My attitude towards minorities has definitely changed.
My whole life I have always been surround by girls but these days I have more guy friends then girls. I also do not have any gay friends, which is also weird because being a music major I have lots of gay friends back home. I really like having gay friends because when I do something gay I can usually make a gay joke/reference so I don’t look so gay….now, I just look gay.
The other day I ordered food at a restaurant and it taking forever I said “Did they go to China?” I don’t think that phrase works in Korea because China is actually pretty close.
My students have been teaching me bad words to say in Korean which can be dangerous. Here are some stupid things I have done in the past week, I am sure there are a lot more I just can’t remember now……The other day I was walking and a lady ran into me. I said “Thank you” in Korean. I wanted to say sorry but I panicked. She looked at me so confused and I just ran away. I felt so stupid. This past Friday after a night out drinking/ dancing I took a cab home. The cab was fine until I went to get out and instead of saying “Thank you, goodbye.” I said “Thank you, STUPID/IDIOT.” Sometimes I should not be allowed to talk. The cab driver looked like he wanted to run me over….I just ran away. I blame my bad students.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
My heart goes out.
Today I received news that one of my friends from home died. Allison Davis was such a good hearted person and I am so lucky of having the privilege of knowing her. When we graduated together last May, I knew that she would become a fantastic Music Educator. I looked up to her because she was determined, strong and nothing held her back. My heart goes out to all of our friends back home and to her family. This is a difficult time and I wish I could be there to hug and comfort everyone. Today I wish I didn’t live so far away. It’s difficult to understand why things happen. All I know is that my faith is strong and I will rejoice with her again. I took time this morning to reflect. I remember Allison always being so kind and warm to everyone. She always had a positive attitude and always asked really intelligent questions. We both student taught at the same and had a lot of classes together. Every time I had a question about an assignment, she was the first person I would think to ask. She was so smart and I loved to get her opinions. I can imagine how difficult it must be for everyone at this time. I want everyone to know that I love and cherish all of our relationships. All of you will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers this week. Love you all.
Monday, November 16, 2009
How I got raped.
What? Did I really get raped? Probably not in the way you think but in the way I think, hell yeah. There are many forms of rape. Or is rape just rape? I hope I made you think. You probably just think I am stupid and want to slap me. I take offensive to that but the best offensive is a good defense. I was going somewhere but can’t remember….
The rape scene begins in the cafeteria. It actually begins and ends there. While waiting in line, I was scoping out the meat. (No, not Korean guys, the food idiots. Felt I had to clarify for Courtney. Poor thing had to google what a synonym was. Seriously, my niece had homework about synonyms and Courtney didn’t know what they were. Funny yet sad.) So… I see these big fried things of what looked to be deliciousness. Yummy, I am going to eat you up like a fat kid in a candy store. I am always so hungry by lunch. So, I sat down to enjoy my lunch and they looked so freaking good. To bad they didn't taste as good as they looked. Why does it always have too look so darn good but taste like toe jam. Seriously, It tasted like fried Chicken of Sea, with hamster droppings as seasoning. I still feel sick but that was the only thing I put on my plate so I felt obligated to eat it. Stupid obligations. Everyone was looking at my facial reactions as I ate. Looking for my approval of Korean food. I was thinking “Can everyone just stop looking so I can throw this across the room or slide it on my co-teacher’s plate.” My acting skills have blossomed so much here. I performed one of those, (Insert Texan accent) Oh My God grandma this the best things since Christmas!, but really I wanted to slip it under the table to feed the dog. I don’t have a dog, though I have some colleagues that chew with their mouths open which makes them look like dogs. Sometimes I wish I were blind so I could have a Seeing Eye Dog. Life would be so much easier.
So as I was eating this disgusting crap they call food, I forced my mind to leave my body. YAY, I can leave. Seriously, I left Matt Weaver as you know him. I went to another world. I was in dreamland and life was beautiful. I don’t even remember eating the disgusting food and as soon as I knew it I had finished my lunch. I thought, “How did I eat that crap?” I realized, while I was in my happy place, my body was feeding itself. It was quite nice.
I know, how can I compare rape to eating? I assume when you’re raped you leave your body the same way. Well, I would hope so or I just look like an ass. I probably already look like an ass because rape is actually a serious issue and I am comparing it to my lunch today. Oh well, I can’t always be politically correct. I don’t even like politics, maybe that’s why I am never politically correct. Let’s just say I felt raped by my lunch today and now I need a shower and I should call the police.
Last week one my middle school students grabbed my cell phone and wanted to put her number in it. I freaked out. What? No, you cannot have my number and I definitely don’t want yours. Little dirty girl go away. Some of my co-teachers text and call students but I’m definitely not doing that. I have heard way too many stories. That same day while I was walking home a student asked where I lived and wanted directions. She said “I want to go.” Ummmmmm. What? Can you just go home and get breast fed because you are a baby and that is way too awkward. I would never have a student over. I don’t need to understand all the culture difference to know that students having my number and coming over is definitely not a good idea. That is just asking for trouble. I would rather let Micheal Jackson sleep over.
All of my stories had something to do with rape. Well, maybe not totally....but if you stretch it.
The rape scene begins in the cafeteria. It actually begins and ends there. While waiting in line, I was scoping out the meat. (No, not Korean guys, the food idiots. Felt I had to clarify for Courtney. Poor thing had to google what a synonym was. Seriously, my niece had homework about synonyms and Courtney didn’t know what they were. Funny yet sad.) So… I see these big fried things of what looked to be deliciousness. Yummy, I am going to eat you up like a fat kid in a candy store. I am always so hungry by lunch. So, I sat down to enjoy my lunch and they looked so freaking good. To bad they didn't taste as good as they looked. Why does it always have too look so darn good but taste like toe jam. Seriously, It tasted like fried Chicken of Sea, with hamster droppings as seasoning. I still feel sick but that was the only thing I put on my plate so I felt obligated to eat it. Stupid obligations. Everyone was looking at my facial reactions as I ate. Looking for my approval of Korean food. I was thinking “Can everyone just stop looking so I can throw this across the room or slide it on my co-teacher’s plate.” My acting skills have blossomed so much here. I performed one of those, (Insert Texan accent) Oh My God grandma this the best things since Christmas!, but really I wanted to slip it under the table to feed the dog. I don’t have a dog, though I have some colleagues that chew with their mouths open which makes them look like dogs. Sometimes I wish I were blind so I could have a Seeing Eye Dog. Life would be so much easier.
So as I was eating this disgusting crap they call food, I forced my mind to leave my body. YAY, I can leave. Seriously, I left Matt Weaver as you know him. I went to another world. I was in dreamland and life was beautiful. I don’t even remember eating the disgusting food and as soon as I knew it I had finished my lunch. I thought, “How did I eat that crap?” I realized, while I was in my happy place, my body was feeding itself. It was quite nice.
I know, how can I compare rape to eating? I assume when you’re raped you leave your body the same way. Well, I would hope so or I just look like an ass. I probably already look like an ass because rape is actually a serious issue and I am comparing it to my lunch today. Oh well, I can’t always be politically correct. I don’t even like politics, maybe that’s why I am never politically correct. Let’s just say I felt raped by my lunch today and now I need a shower and I should call the police.
Last week one my middle school students grabbed my cell phone and wanted to put her number in it. I freaked out. What? No, you cannot have my number and I definitely don’t want yours. Little dirty girl go away. Some of my co-teachers text and call students but I’m definitely not doing that. I have heard way too many stories. That same day while I was walking home a student asked where I lived and wanted directions. She said “I want to go.” Ummmmmm. What? Can you just go home and get breast fed because you are a baby and that is way too awkward. I would never have a student over. I don’t need to understand all the culture difference to know that students having my number and coming over is definitely not a good idea. That is just asking for trouble. I would rather let Micheal Jackson sleep over.
All of my stories had something to do with rape. Well, maybe not totally....but if you stretch it.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Reality
Disclaimer—I wasn't clicking so well while writing this. I blame Mrs. De Souza because her blog made me cry and now my mind can’t stop thinking of Maura. http://mauraupdate.blogspot.com/ (this is her blog encase you haven’t looked at it in awhile) This Thursday it will be 6 months since she has died.
I can’t believe that it has been 6 months this Thursday that Maura died. Looking back, I was definitely in denial. It’s just so much easier to deny something then to face it head on, especially when someone means so much to you. Maybe this is why the month and 1/2 gap after mars died and before I came to Korea I worked really hard to avoid everyone. I tried so hard to avoid everything that reminded me of Maura. Before I left, I basically threw everything away or gave it away. The only possessions I have back home is a bed, 2 TVs, 3 boxes of childhood things and a box of Maura’s stuff that her mom gave me. Material things are so dumb and pointless; life is better with nice things but life isn’t about that.
The month and 1/2 of denial and then moving to Korea, I really didn’t have much time to deal with anything. I like sharing in others people pain but I hate sharing my own pain. No matter how much anyone says they understand what you’re going through, they really can’t. It’s really hard for me to blog about this stuff but it is a weakness and I am going to turn it into a strength.
Well, the shock of living in Korea has finally worn off and I am now facing reality. Emotions suck sometimes, but it’s what makes us compassionate, loving people. I try hard to bury difficult emotions but they always find a way out. The other day I went to starbucks with Alexis and we were chitchatting but all I could think about was a flashback….It was a bright sunny day, Maura and I were sitting outside of starbucks just chitchatting about how beautiful the world was and how excited we were about our futures. That day we promised when we were old we would come back to the Huntsville starbucks sit outside and enjoy the fresh Texas air again…. While I was sitting there with Alexis, I just felt so hopeless because that could never happen. I was driving myself crazy trying to not think of Maura but I just couldn’t help it.
I hate being sad but I have realized that there will be good days and bad days. I am not a sad person and usually when I get sad it’s only for a couple hours or an afternoon. Being a Debbie downer isn’t my personality but everyone has feelings of sadness and you’re nuts if you don’t admit that. So after Maura died I was in shock until July and then in July I moved to Korea. I got to Korea and was in cultural shock, so I definitely was not thinking of how much I was hurting. This week Maura’s mom wrote about how she feels like she is back at square one with the grieving process and I am totally with her but this time it feels like my first time. I am terrified that I am going to forget the fond memories we shared. I have a horrible memory and can barely remember what I eat for breakfast. This week I have had a lot of flashbacks from the past year. I still wish it would have been me instead of Maura. I keep having flashbacks of the Sunday before she died; I keep seeing Maura wincing out in pain that night and I was just sitting on the stairs fighting back tears. Really, all I could do is weep but that doesn’t help anyone. I felt so helpless because I couldn’t do anything. I try to black out those memories but they always find away to creep back. When she finally passed I kept telling myself that I should be relieved because I knew she didn’t have to feel any pain ever again, but really let’s be honest I felt screwed. Still do in fact.
I realized that I haven’t really sang in 6 months. Yeah, 6 months without singing. Singing is my life and one of my greatest passions. I’m not talking about Karaoke singing, I am talking about singing countertenor stuff. Maura was the person who talked me into singing countertenor and was the most amazing encourager ever. I remember the last time I sung countertenor stuff…It was 3 days before she died, her bed was placed in the living room so all of her friends and family could come say goodbye. It was so difficult to see so many people come say those words “goodbye” because it would actually be the last time they could say goodbye. That Sunday all of her friends gathered and we sang everything that Maura wanted to hear. That was one of the most powerful moments of my life to see so many come together and create music. Music is so powerful. I didn’t realize I was avoiding singing until this week when I tried to remember the last time I had sung countertenor rep and it was that Sunday standing next to her in her living room with her smiling face comforting me.
Death sucks; I wish it was a person so I could slap it. I know it is a natural part of life and it is something we all have in common but it still sucks when someone you love dies. In some aspects I am a coward because I hope I die before most of my friends and family because I think dealing with loss is harder than actually dying. When I die I get to rejoice in heaven but if everyone around me dies then I am stuck on earth just missing everyone. I am not waiting to die by any means; I just think it would be easier to not miss everyone. I know I am young and my opinion will probably change many times but this is how I feel now.
I can’t believe that it has been 6 months this Thursday that Maura died. Looking back, I was definitely in denial. It’s just so much easier to deny something then to face it head on, especially when someone means so much to you. Maybe this is why the month and 1/2 gap after mars died and before I came to Korea I worked really hard to avoid everyone. I tried so hard to avoid everything that reminded me of Maura. Before I left, I basically threw everything away or gave it away. The only possessions I have back home is a bed, 2 TVs, 3 boxes of childhood things and a box of Maura’s stuff that her mom gave me. Material things are so dumb and pointless; life is better with nice things but life isn’t about that.
The month and 1/2 of denial and then moving to Korea, I really didn’t have much time to deal with anything. I like sharing in others people pain but I hate sharing my own pain. No matter how much anyone says they understand what you’re going through, they really can’t. It’s really hard for me to blog about this stuff but it is a weakness and I am going to turn it into a strength.
Well, the shock of living in Korea has finally worn off and I am now facing reality. Emotions suck sometimes, but it’s what makes us compassionate, loving people. I try hard to bury difficult emotions but they always find a way out. The other day I went to starbucks with Alexis and we were chitchatting but all I could think about was a flashback….It was a bright sunny day, Maura and I were sitting outside of starbucks just chitchatting about how beautiful the world was and how excited we were about our futures. That day we promised when we were old we would come back to the Huntsville starbucks sit outside and enjoy the fresh Texas air again…. While I was sitting there with Alexis, I just felt so hopeless because that could never happen. I was driving myself crazy trying to not think of Maura but I just couldn’t help it.
I hate being sad but I have realized that there will be good days and bad days. I am not a sad person and usually when I get sad it’s only for a couple hours or an afternoon. Being a Debbie downer isn’t my personality but everyone has feelings of sadness and you’re nuts if you don’t admit that. So after Maura died I was in shock until July and then in July I moved to Korea. I got to Korea and was in cultural shock, so I definitely was not thinking of how much I was hurting. This week Maura’s mom wrote about how she feels like she is back at square one with the grieving process and I am totally with her but this time it feels like my first time. I am terrified that I am going to forget the fond memories we shared. I have a horrible memory and can barely remember what I eat for breakfast. This week I have had a lot of flashbacks from the past year. I still wish it would have been me instead of Maura. I keep having flashbacks of the Sunday before she died; I keep seeing Maura wincing out in pain that night and I was just sitting on the stairs fighting back tears. Really, all I could do is weep but that doesn’t help anyone. I felt so helpless because I couldn’t do anything. I try to black out those memories but they always find away to creep back. When she finally passed I kept telling myself that I should be relieved because I knew she didn’t have to feel any pain ever again, but really let’s be honest I felt screwed. Still do in fact.
I realized that I haven’t really sang in 6 months. Yeah, 6 months without singing. Singing is my life and one of my greatest passions. I’m not talking about Karaoke singing, I am talking about singing countertenor stuff. Maura was the person who talked me into singing countertenor and was the most amazing encourager ever. I remember the last time I sung countertenor stuff…It was 3 days before she died, her bed was placed in the living room so all of her friends and family could come say goodbye. It was so difficult to see so many people come say those words “goodbye” because it would actually be the last time they could say goodbye. That Sunday all of her friends gathered and we sang everything that Maura wanted to hear. That was one of the most powerful moments of my life to see so many come together and create music. Music is so powerful. I didn’t realize I was avoiding singing until this week when I tried to remember the last time I had sung countertenor rep and it was that Sunday standing next to her in her living room with her smiling face comforting me.
Death sucks; I wish it was a person so I could slap it. I know it is a natural part of life and it is something we all have in common but it still sucks when someone you love dies. In some aspects I am a coward because I hope I die before most of my friends and family because I think dealing with loss is harder than actually dying. When I die I get to rejoice in heaven but if everyone around me dies then I am stuck on earth just missing everyone. I am not waiting to die by any means; I just think it would be easier to not miss everyone. I know I am young and my opinion will probably change many times but this is how I feel now.
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Devil!
Have you ever woke up and thought “Where the hell am I?” I do that every morning. Seriously, I wake up in panic sometimes and almost wet myself but then I realize that I am just in Korea. Korea is like a neverland. Time goes by so fast and I don’t ever keep track. Nothing matters here.
The only thing I stress over is what to eat or what is the Korean phrase for “What the hell am I eating.” Every day at school I eat weird bizarre and sometimes disgusting food but I kind of like it. It’s funny because I would usually look forward to lunch, with me being a fatty in all. I love my food but here food is just something I do. Today we had potatoes with maple syrup. I didn’t know it was maple syrup, but I was so excited to eat potatoes. I piled those potatoes on my plate…boy I regretted that decision as soon as I took the first bite. Seriously, who puts maple syrup on potatoes?
So, this week has been an incredibly strange week. I don’t blog about everything because my mom would have a heart attack and die. Heck, I have a heart attack and die on a daily basis. I love the daily adventures of walking down the street. Some advice I have got is “Assume every puddle is pee.” Maybe that is why my shoes smells like Kristen’s hair. (Kristen is my annoying sister... by the way, I had a dream about you last night. You and I were fighting and we were so pissed at one another. I woke up still angry. Kind of odd that you piss me off in my sleep. Ha, I love you!)
Friday night I went out to the Casino and it was pretty interesting. It was nothing like casinos back home. This casino was small and had a lot of card tables. I lost 30,000 won which is almost 30 dollars. I am tight and don’t like to lose money. After the casino we went dancing. We danced on the stage and had a really good time. Stuff happened…blah blah blah (You would like to know wouldn’t you…well maybe you can fill me in…) we took a cab back home at about 6:00 am or so. Katie and I were walking home and I stopped to rest on the grass next to city hall. I laid back in the grass and we started talking about food. Katie ran off to get food and yelled “come on.” I was so tired and probably said “Right behind you.” I didn’t move I just laid there and took a nap outside of city hall. I woke up about 30/45 minutes later (thanks to a bus) and I was home by 8:30 in the morning.
Today I played jeopardy with my classes. I haven’t played a game in a long time because we are too busy working on sentence structure and other important grammar problems. The only reason we played jeopardy is because one of the other teachers has swine flu and stayed home. They took all of her classes and put them in mine. Just imagine how nice that is. My classes are double in size 40-50 students in one class. It is so hard to control, especially when you don’t speak Korean and you are by yourself. I actually lost control and yelled at one class. Korean teachers yell and beat the students all the time. It is all they know. Kids get beat with sticks it is really scary. I was giving a speech about not playing the recorder in my class here is how the speech went. Imagine I have a high voice but when I am angry/serious my voice drops and I get super loud. Loud deep man voice.
“I don’t know what you do in the other teacher’s class but in my class we do not talk when I talk. We also do NOT play the recorder……. (A girl turns around and starts talking) (insert MATT”S SCREAMING DEVIL VOICE)….YOU RIGHT THERE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING. ARE YOU STUPID? I SAID NO TALKING WHEN I AM TALKING.” The class of 50 middle school boys and girls went silent. I could hear that girl’s heart beat. No one moved. The rest of the class went perfect. I was really angry because they put the low level student in my class and they can’t understand English or speak English and I didn’t have a co-teacher. I can’t speak Korean but I can sure speak I am going to SMACK THE HELL OUT OF YOU. Seriously, the other teacher lets those kids walk all over her. The kids walk out of class saying “I love you.” Gosh, I love children but only my children. Keep those other classes away from me. Next week she will be back. Thank God.
In another class today, one of the boys started crying because I would not call on him to answer a question. It was so funny but I felt bad. He is really smart and knows every question before I ask it. One of the questions I asked after he finished crying was “When did Mr. Weaver move to Korea.” He raised his hands and shouted, “July!” I thought “Wow that is creepy; he answered that way too fast.” One of the other student shouted “stalker.” I lost control with laughter. I then asked him “What did I eat for breakfast?” Thank God he didn’t know.
The only thing I stress over is what to eat or what is the Korean phrase for “What the hell am I eating.” Every day at school I eat weird bizarre and sometimes disgusting food but I kind of like it. It’s funny because I would usually look forward to lunch, with me being a fatty in all. I love my food but here food is just something I do. Today we had potatoes with maple syrup. I didn’t know it was maple syrup, but I was so excited to eat potatoes. I piled those potatoes on my plate…boy I regretted that decision as soon as I took the first bite. Seriously, who puts maple syrup on potatoes?
So, this week has been an incredibly strange week. I don’t blog about everything because my mom would have a heart attack and die. Heck, I have a heart attack and die on a daily basis. I love the daily adventures of walking down the street. Some advice I have got is “Assume every puddle is pee.” Maybe that is why my shoes smells like Kristen’s hair. (Kristen is my annoying sister... by the way, I had a dream about you last night. You and I were fighting and we were so pissed at one another. I woke up still angry. Kind of odd that you piss me off in my sleep. Ha, I love you!)
Friday night I went out to the Casino and it was pretty interesting. It was nothing like casinos back home. This casino was small and had a lot of card tables. I lost 30,000 won which is almost 30 dollars. I am tight and don’t like to lose money. After the casino we went dancing. We danced on the stage and had a really good time. Stuff happened…blah blah blah (You would like to know wouldn’t you…well maybe you can fill me in…) we took a cab back home at about 6:00 am or so. Katie and I were walking home and I stopped to rest on the grass next to city hall. I laid back in the grass and we started talking about food. Katie ran off to get food and yelled “come on.” I was so tired and probably said “Right behind you.” I didn’t move I just laid there and took a nap outside of city hall. I woke up about 30/45 minutes later (thanks to a bus) and I was home by 8:30 in the morning.
Today I played jeopardy with my classes. I haven’t played a game in a long time because we are too busy working on sentence structure and other important grammar problems. The only reason we played jeopardy is because one of the other teachers has swine flu and stayed home. They took all of her classes and put them in mine. Just imagine how nice that is. My classes are double in size 40-50 students in one class. It is so hard to control, especially when you don’t speak Korean and you are by yourself. I actually lost control and yelled at one class. Korean teachers yell and beat the students all the time. It is all they know. Kids get beat with sticks it is really scary. I was giving a speech about not playing the recorder in my class here is how the speech went. Imagine I have a high voice but when I am angry/serious my voice drops and I get super loud. Loud deep man voice.
“I don’t know what you do in the other teacher’s class but in my class we do not talk when I talk. We also do NOT play the recorder……. (A girl turns around and starts talking) (insert MATT”S SCREAMING DEVIL VOICE)….YOU RIGHT THERE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING. ARE YOU STUPID? I SAID NO TALKING WHEN I AM TALKING.” The class of 50 middle school boys and girls went silent. I could hear that girl’s heart beat. No one moved. The rest of the class went perfect. I was really angry because they put the low level student in my class and they can’t understand English or speak English and I didn’t have a co-teacher. I can’t speak Korean but I can sure speak I am going to SMACK THE HELL OUT OF YOU. Seriously, the other teacher lets those kids walk all over her. The kids walk out of class saying “I love you.” Gosh, I love children but only my children. Keep those other classes away from me. Next week she will be back. Thank God.
In another class today, one of the boys started crying because I would not call on him to answer a question. It was so funny but I felt bad. He is really smart and knows every question before I ask it. One of the questions I asked after he finished crying was “When did Mr. Weaver move to Korea.” He raised his hands and shouted, “July!” I thought “Wow that is creepy; he answered that way too fast.” One of the other student shouted “stalker.” I lost control with laughter. I then asked him “What did I eat for breakfast?” Thank God he didn’t know.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Me love you long time!!
Disclaimer--ADULT SITUATIONS not suitable for Mothers, Preachers, Children, Homeless people, Prostitutes and Ugly old women.....I can't believe I just made a sentence with Mother and Prostitute...this blog is starting out on the right foot.
What I learned this week…that guys can get yeast infections. That came out funny (that’s what she said) No…but really…I don’t know from personal experience but I do know that guys can get it…this is probably the strangest way to start off my blog but it has been a heck of a strange week… Okay, now that the awkward statement of the day is over…let’s talk about Korea.
Okay, yesterday a group of us went shopping for winter clothes….I thought I was moving to a tropical island paradise, boy was I wrong. It is colder than a well digger's ass…also don’t know from personal experience, that a well digger’s ass is cold….My mom says that phrase all the time…I am so Texan sometimes….anyways….our group split up and my buddy Tommy and I were strolling down the street when this nasty old gypsy looking woman asked if we wanted to buy sex…..I paused and said “Excuse me?” she repeated in Konglish “You want to buy sex?” I thought for a second….is sex a new cologne? ….then it dawned…she wants to sell her nasty saggy body to me….I was shocked….my next thought….but you’re so ugly and old and trashy...nothing like that movie pretty woman…where is Julie Roberts???…Seriously though, who would buy that piece of crap? That is horrible thing to think, but I thought it and I can’t take it back……gosh she looked hideous….so we just ran away as fast as we could…. Serious time for a moment….first of all…my mom would have freaked out if that would have happened to her…I would love to have seen her in that situation…NO…perverts my mom is not a prostitute….goodness…I am talking about my mom being in my shoes…not my mom trying to sell her body to someone…I think I just threw up on my keyboard…My mom is going to slap the crap out of me the next time she see me and I can’t wait. I think partaking in prostitution is despicable and would never buy sex or sell my body for sex….I know there would be a long line to pay to have sex with me but that line will just have to wait forever….or jump on over to the free line. Just kidding mom…don’t have a freak out moment. I think prostitution is a huge problem and women/children are forced into at a young age…it is horrible and I wish it would just go away.
I was going to blog about my strange white neighbor that was banging on my door in his underwear the other morning....but I went this route instead.....here is the short version....Monday morning my neighbor was banging on my door...I thought it was Alexis, my walking to school buddy...so I was screaming give me a damn sec.....I was talking to my sister Courtney online...and I had to finish getting ready...so I finished getting ready...which took about 8 minutes and he keeps banging on my door...I yell again...."HOLD ON." it was freezing outside....I open the door and he is standing there like a child molester in a school zone....CREEPY! He is in boxer underwear and a tiny white shirt....I wanted to throw up....He asked if I was banging on the wall...I looked at him like he was the stupidest person on earth and said "Why would I bang on the walls?" .....I am not having sex or anything...gosh...I am just getting ready...anyways he was really annoying and I said "I don't have time...I have to get to school....." I had time...just not for him....as he walked away I swear he had poop stains on his boxer.......
And the strange week continues....
What I learned this week…that guys can get yeast infections. That came out funny (that’s what she said) No…but really…I don’t know from personal experience but I do know that guys can get it…this is probably the strangest way to start off my blog but it has been a heck of a strange week… Okay, now that the awkward statement of the day is over…let’s talk about Korea.
Okay, yesterday a group of us went shopping for winter clothes….I thought I was moving to a tropical island paradise, boy was I wrong. It is colder than a well digger's ass…also don’t know from personal experience, that a well digger’s ass is cold….My mom says that phrase all the time…I am so Texan sometimes….anyways….our group split up and my buddy Tommy and I were strolling down the street when this nasty old gypsy looking woman asked if we wanted to buy sex…..I paused and said “Excuse me?” she repeated in Konglish “You want to buy sex?” I thought for a second….is sex a new cologne? ….then it dawned…she wants to sell her nasty saggy body to me….I was shocked….my next thought….but you’re so ugly and old and trashy...nothing like that movie pretty woman…where is Julie Roberts???…Seriously though, who would buy that piece of crap? That is horrible thing to think, but I thought it and I can’t take it back……gosh she looked hideous….so we just ran away as fast as we could…. Serious time for a moment….first of all…my mom would have freaked out if that would have happened to her…I would love to have seen her in that situation…NO…perverts my mom is not a prostitute….goodness…I am talking about my mom being in my shoes…not my mom trying to sell her body to someone…I think I just threw up on my keyboard…My mom is going to slap the crap out of me the next time she see me and I can’t wait. I think partaking in prostitution is despicable and would never buy sex or sell my body for sex….I know there would be a long line to pay to have sex with me but that line will just have to wait forever….or jump on over to the free line. Just kidding mom…don’t have a freak out moment. I think prostitution is a huge problem and women/children are forced into at a young age…it is horrible and I wish it would just go away.
I was going to blog about my strange white neighbor that was banging on my door in his underwear the other morning....but I went this route instead.....here is the short version....Monday morning my neighbor was banging on my door...I thought it was Alexis, my walking to school buddy...so I was screaming give me a damn sec.....I was talking to my sister Courtney online...and I had to finish getting ready...so I finished getting ready...which took about 8 minutes and he keeps banging on my door...I yell again...."HOLD ON." it was freezing outside....I open the door and he is standing there like a child molester in a school zone....CREEPY! He is in boxer underwear and a tiny white shirt....I wanted to throw up....He asked if I was banging on the wall...I looked at him like he was the stupidest person on earth and said "Why would I bang on the walls?" .....I am not having sex or anything...gosh...I am just getting ready...anyways he was really annoying and I said "I don't have time...I have to get to school....." I had time...just not for him....as he walked away I swear he had poop stains on his boxer.......
And the strange week continues....
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Fire me? What? You be cRaZy!
Disclaimer--I didn't feel like correcting my grammar mistakes so please don't email me corrections and expect me to fix them...thanks...muah...is that even a disclaimer?
10 reasons why I would get fired.
1. -Called an Asian student a monkey. The student was seriously acting like a monkey and I said “Monkey, stop.” The monkey…I mean student…looked at me and we had a good laugh.
2. --I scared a special needs student. This girl was sleeping during my Halloween lesson. I thought ‘what better way to show the spirit of Halloween then scaring someone to death.’ I snuck up on her like a mouse and shook her arms and yelled at the top of my lungs. The girl woke up in a panic….after class my co-teacher told me that she was a special needs student. You would think I would get a memo about special needs student in my class. No ARD meetings or lists of students that American schools would handout. Gosh, I felt like a huge ass once again.
3. --Told a student he sucked in the middle of class and all the kids started saying “you suck.” I stopped the class fast and said “Don’t say that….only teachers can say that.” Thank God they bought my explanation of only grownups can say certain things.
4. --A girl was looking at a magazine while she was supposed to be working on a writing assignment. I collected the magazine and began looking through it. I didn’t have anything else to do…I started laughing and asked the class if a famous male role model was gay. They laughed and said “NOOOO.” Then I asked the class if they knew what gay meant. They laughed again and said “yeah.” I paused and realized that probably isn’t an appropriate topic for English class. Korea doesn’t have gay. Gay people do not exist here.
5. --Chat on facebook all day at work. I have a lot of down time. I teach four hours and then have nothing else to do. I look at it as working because I am practicing my English skills when I chat to my friends…..
6. --I asked the English intern if boys slept over at her house…..I know it sounds inappropriate but it was not suppose to be. I blame English-Korean translation. She still lives with her parents because it is common for single people to live with family until they marry. I was curious if she ever brought boyfriends home and they spent the night. I was in NOOO way trying to ask her if I could come over and sleep with her….omg….I am such a moron….I think she got the wrong impression because she turned red and it looked like she wanted to run away…..and then I turned red and wanted to run away. Don’t worry I fixed conversation with another awkward comment…continue on to reason number 7.
7. --I asked the English intern if she shaved her nipples…yeah, I was trying to leave an awkward conversation and what happens…I go and make it even more awkward. She had little band aids all over her neck area and I thought maybe she shaved her neck and throat area…yeah, like a man. I meant to ask neck but said nipples……oh lord. Good thing she is a diehard Christian because she needed to go pray after talking with me.
8. --I screw up Korean names all the time…so my solution is listen to how they pronounce their names and then turn their name into something really funny……few names I have made up so far are: King Kong(kin kong), Jesu (hei su), Amen (ha min), easy in (Lee si lin)…yeah, my classes get a kick out of this….I usually try to make the names ridiculous.
9. --I sweat a lot. I climb a freaking mountain to get to school. Of course I am going to sweat. Every morning I have sweat rolling down my face and the English interns say “Wow, you are so sweaty.” And every morning I say… “I know…..I climb up a freaking mountain….and Korean people don’t sweat.” You would think that conversation would get old…but no…I can’t wait until tomorrow morning.
10. I went to lunch with some of the young English interns and I love joking around and messing with people. One of the girls asked to look at my palm…I know, weird huh?....anyways I asked if she could read palms too? …..I can’t read palms…she was so amazed that I could read palms….I took her palm and told her all of this hocus pocus bull crap and she believed me! Seriously though, I was laughing when I told all of that bull crap…I think I told her that she would fall in love and he would break her heart…then she would marry a man she didn’t love…blah blah blah…then I think I said… something about being unhappy the rest of her life…and more crap….anyways she came to school the next day and was telling people I could read palms….ha ha…I said “NO.” I was just kidding…..so now everyone thinks I'm a witch or something….def. should fire a witch.
10 reasons I would never get fired.
1. You can’t fire a witch…they will put a curse on you and torture you.
2. Way to handsome to get fired….shut up Kristen. I wish I could slap you over the internet…j/k but really… I love you…..
3. Everyone loves me. The teacher before me was really bad and boring. Everyone bends over backwards for me here….if you know what I mean…oooo…sorry I was not trying to make that a perverted joke, it just happened.
4. I am punctual. Have I ever been late? I hate people that are late. I guess growing up with 5 women, who were always late to EVERYTHING has made me anal with time. Seriously though, women take forever to get ready….I think it takes my Mom 2 hours just to fix her hair…..I heart big Texas HAIR! Miss ya mommy.
5. I always smell nice….Well nice and sweaty that is. Seriously, most days I take 3 or 4 showers….I know let me explain. When I wake up…I must shower or I am not helpful to anyone. After school I usually shower…I get home and I am sweaty and smell like nasty little children……I shower at the gym. That’s 3 showers….I also have to shower if I take a nap…or my brain is completely wasted.
6. I am funny. You can’t fire the funny guy.
7. They spent a lot of money to get me here. It would be a waste.
8. In Korea, I am actually tall. They love tall people. Can you tell I am running low on excuses to not fire me…..
9. My students love me….they chant my name out the windows when I walk to lunch…who could fire a celebrity? Well maybe Donald Trump…good thing he isn’t my boss.
10. You always need that one person who can break the ice with awkward conversation……that’s the best I got…I should have started with 10 reasons I would never get fired.
I found it a lot harder (that's what she said) to write 10 reasons to not fire me......that makes me sad.....but not to sad...Love you all!
10 reasons why I would get fired.
1. -Called an Asian student a monkey. The student was seriously acting like a monkey and I said “Monkey, stop.” The monkey…I mean student…looked at me and we had a good laugh.
2. --I scared a special needs student. This girl was sleeping during my Halloween lesson. I thought ‘what better way to show the spirit of Halloween then scaring someone to death.’ I snuck up on her like a mouse and shook her arms and yelled at the top of my lungs. The girl woke up in a panic….after class my co-teacher told me that she was a special needs student. You would think I would get a memo about special needs student in my class. No ARD meetings or lists of students that American schools would handout. Gosh, I felt like a huge ass once again.
3. --Told a student he sucked in the middle of class and all the kids started saying “you suck.” I stopped the class fast and said “Don’t say that….only teachers can say that.” Thank God they bought my explanation of only grownups can say certain things.
4. --A girl was looking at a magazine while she was supposed to be working on a writing assignment. I collected the magazine and began looking through it. I didn’t have anything else to do…I started laughing and asked the class if a famous male role model was gay. They laughed and said “NOOOO.” Then I asked the class if they knew what gay meant. They laughed again and said “yeah.” I paused and realized that probably isn’t an appropriate topic for English class. Korea doesn’t have gay. Gay people do not exist here.
5. --Chat on facebook all day at work. I have a lot of down time. I teach four hours and then have nothing else to do. I look at it as working because I am practicing my English skills when I chat to my friends…..
6. --I asked the English intern if boys slept over at her house…..I know it sounds inappropriate but it was not suppose to be. I blame English-Korean translation. She still lives with her parents because it is common for single people to live with family until they marry. I was curious if she ever brought boyfriends home and they spent the night. I was in NOOO way trying to ask her if I could come over and sleep with her….omg….I am such a moron….I think she got the wrong impression because she turned red and it looked like she wanted to run away…..and then I turned red and wanted to run away. Don’t worry I fixed conversation with another awkward comment…continue on to reason number 7.
7. --I asked the English intern if she shaved her nipples…yeah, I was trying to leave an awkward conversation and what happens…I go and make it even more awkward. She had little band aids all over her neck area and I thought maybe she shaved her neck and throat area…yeah, like a man. I meant to ask neck but said nipples……oh lord. Good thing she is a diehard Christian because she needed to go pray after talking with me.
8. --I screw up Korean names all the time…so my solution is listen to how they pronounce their names and then turn their name into something really funny……few names I have made up so far are: King Kong(kin kong), Jesu (hei su), Amen (ha min), easy in (Lee si lin)…yeah, my classes get a kick out of this….I usually try to make the names ridiculous.
9. --I sweat a lot. I climb a freaking mountain to get to school. Of course I am going to sweat. Every morning I have sweat rolling down my face and the English interns say “Wow, you are so sweaty.” And every morning I say… “I know…..I climb up a freaking mountain….and Korean people don’t sweat.” You would think that conversation would get old…but no…I can’t wait until tomorrow morning.
10. I went to lunch with some of the young English interns and I love joking around and messing with people. One of the girls asked to look at my palm…I know, weird huh?....anyways I asked if she could read palms too? …..I can’t read palms…she was so amazed that I could read palms….I took her palm and told her all of this hocus pocus bull crap and she believed me! Seriously though, I was laughing when I told all of that bull crap…I think I told her that she would fall in love and he would break her heart…then she would marry a man she didn’t love…blah blah blah…then I think I said… something about being unhappy the rest of her life…and more crap….anyways she came to school the next day and was telling people I could read palms….ha ha…I said “NO.” I was just kidding…..so now everyone thinks I'm a witch or something….def. should fire a witch.
10 reasons I would never get fired.
1. You can’t fire a witch…they will put a curse on you and torture you.
2. Way to handsome to get fired….shut up Kristen. I wish I could slap you over the internet…j/k but really… I love you…..
3. Everyone loves me. The teacher before me was really bad and boring. Everyone bends over backwards for me here….if you know what I mean…oooo…sorry I was not trying to make that a perverted joke, it just happened.
4. I am punctual. Have I ever been late? I hate people that are late. I guess growing up with 5 women, who were always late to EVERYTHING has made me anal with time. Seriously though, women take forever to get ready….I think it takes my Mom 2 hours just to fix her hair…..I heart big Texas HAIR! Miss ya mommy.
5. I always smell nice….Well nice and sweaty that is. Seriously, most days I take 3 or 4 showers….I know let me explain. When I wake up…I must shower or I am not helpful to anyone. After school I usually shower…I get home and I am sweaty and smell like nasty little children……I shower at the gym. That’s 3 showers….I also have to shower if I take a nap…or my brain is completely wasted.
6. I am funny. You can’t fire the funny guy.
7. They spent a lot of money to get me here. It would be a waste.
8. In Korea, I am actually tall. They love tall people. Can you tell I am running low on excuses to not fire me…..
9. My students love me….they chant my name out the windows when I walk to lunch…who could fire a celebrity? Well maybe Donald Trump…good thing he isn’t my boss.
10. You always need that one person who can break the ice with awkward conversation……that’s the best I got…I should have started with 10 reasons I would never get fired.
I found it a lot harder (that's what she said) to write 10 reasons to not fire me......that makes me sad.....but not to sad...Love you all!
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